Really
by Natarie
Summary: Naruto drabble collection. Latest: Wish - In another life, in another time, Itachi makes a wish. Silly LabyrinthxNaruto thing
1. SasuSaku Hate

A/N: This is my One-Shot, No, Really drabble collection. Anything in here was written in 24 hours or less. Various themes, pairings, universes of canon, non, crack origin.  
Dis: NM  
Also: Minimal editing. Please call me on any errors you see fit.

SasuSaku Pipedream 1  
Hate

5.23.08

The first time she saw him, she swiftly and efficiently knocked him unconscious.

-

She avoided him the first two weeks after his return for as long as she possible could. She went to work too early and left too late. She was careful, and she was ruthless. She knew his schedule, knew where he was going to be or where he might be or where there was a _slight_ possibility of him being and avoided those places like they were the locations of raging cholera plagues.

The first week back he was tortured, questioned, or whatever it was the ANBU deemed necessary to subject him to. Then he was healed, submitted to extensive physicals by Tsunade herself. Next came the psychological examinations. What they could get out of him that the ANBU couldn't, they apparently tried very hard to extract.

The second week was more questioning and interviews by the ANBU and the medical examiners and the Elders. At the very end Tsunade made her decision.

Only then, as he was departing from the Hokage tower standing there at the bottom of the stairs in the sunlight, did she reveal herself.

Sasuke only looked at her, quiet. He wasn't stupid, no matter how much the last couple of years and weeks had played with his mind, and he knew why she hadn't come to see him. But he had no idea what she wanted. He certainly didn't expect her to throw her arms around him or offer to bear his children or to tie him up and exact some very kinky and sexually-repressed fantasies on him.

He looked pathetic, really. Sad, and deserving. For once in his life, Uchiha Sasuke looked ready to accept his fate. Before the feelings of regret could curdle in her belly, she swung back her fist and smashed his face in.

His nose was broken, and blood was gushing down his chin and over his shirt. It wasn't enough to knock him over; he only stumbled at her hit, his head whipping back from the force of the blow. Just as he raised his head, she punched him again.

Her anger was straightforward and fierce. This was the only chance she was going to get to pummel the living daylights out of him. This was the only time the ANBU guards and Naruto and Kakashi and Sai and Yamato were going to step back, looking uncomfortable but unwilling to meddle in something that, as Kakashi sighed gravely, "he's had coming for a very long time."

After this, they would heal him again. Tsunade would not look kindly on her apprentice beating the crap out of the Last Uchiha repeatedly. So she drew back her fist and hit him again, her next fist planted in his gut before the force of the first blow could even knock him over. But her last hit forced him to spit up blood, and he passed out from the blow, crumpling and falling over.

The whole thing was over in less than two minutes. Neither had said a word to each other and now he was unconscious.

Very carefully, Sakura lowered herself to her knees at his side in a way she would have many, many times if only he had let her. She fixed his nose first, exceedingly focused so it would look exactly the same as it had before and not heal crooked. Then she paused and unzipped her shirt ignoring the curious stares of the ANBU and her teammates.

She used the red fabric of her shirt to clean his face as carefully as she could, wiping off the dried blood from his face. Next she healed his ribs, pouring her chakra into him and listening, feeling with it until she was sure he was breathing normally. Finally, she healed him. Every little cut or scrape or bruise she could find she fixed, exhausting her chakra on all the minor things that were unimportant.

He didn't wake up. She didn't intend him to, not until she was very far gone. Steadily, she rose to her feet, shrugging her shirt back on, not caring that his blood was staining her hands and her hair and her face and the white tank top underneath. No one stopped her as she left, and nobody tried to talk to her.

Sasuke didn't wake up from his coma for three weeks.

-

The next time she saw him, it was purely chance.

He was supposed to be under guard at all times, and she hadn't volunteered and they hadn't pressed her into. But Naruto had to dash and Kakashi was always late, so Sakura sat on the roof of a building of the complex contemplating where she was going to force Naruto to take her out to dinner.

Though staring distractedly at the sky, she was intently focused on Sasuke's chakra signature, because Sakura was diligent in all she did, and this included watching ex-missing-nins everyone was convinced she hated. A flicker of movement at the corner of her eye drew her attention.

She didn't turn her head right away, letting her eyes track the movement in the style of hawks before her head slowly followed. Sasuke had come out, sitting on the porch of the small house he had once lived in with his family. In his hands were a scroll and a single kunai.

Of course, from where Sakura sat, it was impossible to see a glint of metal or to even tell it _was_ a kunai. Still, she knew instinctively and she tensed, all her senses pinpointed on him and perfectly frozen. The color of her hair didn't matter when she was holding herself as completely unmoving as a mountain just before it erupts.

He cut himself: She saw the glint of blood and then the snap of the scroll, and he planted his thumb on it before letting the paper rewind. Quickly, so she could catch details, Sakura sharpened her vision, mentally zooming in as the smoke cleared and a miniature snake curled itself up Sasuke's arm.

Her hand was on her kunai pouch, mentally scanning the list of his known attacks that she hadn't felt ashamed of reading his medical files for. But he did nothing, and the little snake looped its tail around his upper arm, lifting its head to rest it against his cheek.

If it was possible for her to do so any more than she was already, Sakura froze. She recognized the gesture. She'd seen that same pose on so many people before. Naruto and the frogs, Tsunade and the slugs. Even herself. Even Kakashi. It was a pose of confider and confident, Sasuke leaning close to the dun-colored sidewinder as it rubbed its head affectionately against his face and listened to his soft-spoken words.

Sakura didn't know what to think. She could never be suspicious of that pose. She'd seen it on too many people not to know what it was: It was an expression of weakness. After all, animals were such good confidants. They were objective and yet subjective, they didn't judge the same way as people, for they weren't people. For creatures that required blood sacrifices to summon, they were exceedingly loyal and they would keep your secret to the grave.

Normally, Sakura might have been suspicious of the snake. But though the thing was no doubt poisonous, it was small and it was innocent. Compared to the huge snake Orochimaru had summoned that requested to be fed in body counts before wrecking havoc, it was even a bit cute. And surely Sasuke had things to confess. The anxious way he was whispering to the snake showed that.

Everyone else knew what he had done. But everyone else was not a little snake that might have been his only confident during his time away from Konoha. Sakura knew how that went. It didn't matter if you had other human friends or people you trusted. An animal didn't judge, it wasn't _judgmental_. She knew which slug to summon for a bit of a heart-to-heart and apparently Sasuke had a snake of his very own for the task.

Sighing, she glanced at Kakashi from where he crouched on the roof next to her. "Don't read his lips."

Sasuke was actually tucked into himself, his hair brushing his mouth as he spoke to the bobbing head of the snake, as if he'd had practice at trying to conceal his words, so it wasn't like Kakashi had a better look than she did. He glanced at her over the top of his open book.

"I thought you hated him."

Sakura let a smile twist her lips and shook her head. "Everyone thinks that. But I don't." She glanced again at Sasuke. He seemed to be finished, for he was listening intently as the tongue of the snake darted out to taste his skin.

Kakashi was regarding her seriously. She only shrugged and slotted him a look. "Why do you think I avoid him?"

There was the faintest hint of movement beneath the mask, showing that Kakashi was smiling. "I wouldn't read his lips, anyway. I know what he's doing," he said as she disappeared.


	2. Deidara Sisboomba

A/N: I was not at all procrastinating my research paper on Catch-22 when I wrote this. It also wasn't very, very late at night, hence why this is so dumb. And, yeah, I _know_ it's out of character, it's also non-canon.

Sisboomba

5.26.08

"Blonde Bombshell" they called him, and he hated it. It was a nickname he'd gotten back when he started training, something that followed him into the service because it _fit_. Not that Deidara considered himself to be a particularly attractive woman. The fact of the matter was that he wasn't _equipped_ to be a particularly attractive woman since he wasn't _female_.

Not that it mattered to his friends. Okay—so he'd entered the entire process with long hair. It wasn't like they let him _keep _it. This was the military and working together to protect the nation obviously meant they all had to have the exact same haircut.

Whatever. Deidara wasn't a girl. Aside from slightly effeminate features and his slightly _forceful_ personality, all resemblances to "Bombshells" ceased.

Of course, this wasn't the worst of his problems. After all, with a name like Deidara, wasn't he fighting on the _wrong_ side of the war?

He would rather be called a Blonde Bombshell than a filthy Jap any day.

He spent very, very many days getting extra push-ups and math problems and being forced to wake up very, very early to run the stupid flag up its stupid flagpole every morning for all the black eyes he'd given and noses he'd busted.

It wasn't like he even wanted to be fighting in the first place. That was what a draft _was_, the dumb fucks, and it wasn't his fault the only thing he showed any particular interest in was considered the lowest form of trash when there were airplanes to be piloted and people to go off and kill.

But the military gave him something he never expected it to on one particularly hot day when tempers were running high and Deidara once again found himself cracking skulls. They couldn't dismiss him because they needed every man they could get. So they sent him off to do the stupidest and most suicidal job in the history of warfare everywhere on the basis that at least he was _working_ even if he could get himself blown up at any fucking moment.

Deidara as a person was temperamental and liable to launch at a throat should his anger crest boiling point. Deidara as an artist was even more temperamental, though it was generally self-directed as he was incredibly _anal_ about absolutely everything. He was a perfectionist to the highest degree and he wanted every teeny-tiny little detail working perfectly in his capable hands. Because the world would just have to damn hold still until he got it _exactly right_.

So sitting in a factory day in and day out tapping dud warheads to figure out whether they were actually duds or something just hadn't gone off quite right was painful, laborious agony. It didn't matter whether or not he had his escape route planned. Because as soon as his luck ran out, he was going to get his head blown off.

So he tapped and winced and waited for the inevitable blankness that was sure to follow his death. Except he realized something, wielding his little hammer distrustfully at the big bad warheads. He _got_ explosives because they were like life, really. As much as he _wanted_ the city to sit perfectly still until he was done painting it, it wasn't going to _listen_ to him. He always ended up fudging it up and approximating anyway.

And really, what was the _point_? Art was a _reflection_ of life, it wasn't really life itself. He could bitch all he wanted, but he was never going to be _perfect_, no matter how he tried.

Deidara came to a grim understanding with those warheads. Life was a bomb, just waiting to go off. Change was just _going_ happen, whether the rest of the world or America was ready for it or not. Like the war, for example. No one expected those Nazi fuckers to suddenly pounce on Europe like a lion jumping for a sickly gazelle.

No one expected death either, not really. And people who expected life to stay the same or for change not to happen were a bunch of goddamn fools.

Deidara went back to training with a new outlook on life. It didn't really _matter_ what anyone said because he had already stared into the eyes of death more times than he could count and each time, the dull metallic echo had come back to him, telling him that once again he was still alive and someone somewhere had done a shitty job making these bombs.

To be perfectly honest, Deidara turned into a volatile maniac. He didn't actually _need_ his fists anymore, because a crazy grin and a reminder of just _who_ had been spending two blissful weeks away cooped up with a bunch of bombs made them pale just as easily.

It wasn't much wonder they made him the bombardier. He was a damn good pilot, if he did say so himself, but he was liable to perform crazy maneuvers B-25s were never built to perform, and he relied a little too heavily on luck for the higher ups in good conscience to let him steer the plane.

He steered the bombs instead, guiding them gently down into a fiery oblivion. The first time he actually hit an honest-to-god-real-life-and-not-just-combat-situation target he was sick for two days and nearly dehydrated himself from crying. Because there were _people_ down there. People who could have been _him_ if his luck had decided to give out on him.

But he survived. It didn't get any easier, but he kept doing it and he kept living somehow. Then when he heard what had happened to two targets in Japan—places that under different circumstances he could have _hailed_ from or had _family_—he knew it was over for him.

The war was ending. It was gone, it was done, as quickly as he could crack an egg and fry it up into an omelette on a pan. Bombs were _like_ life, because they were full of sudden and inexplicable change. But like art, bombs weren't _life_. Unlike art, bombs were even worse because at least art didn't hurt anyone, didn't dissolve their basic components into so much nonexistent scattering of atoms.

Even before he left the service, he had decided. It didn't matter if he could never catch that spark, that brilliance of real life. If he could get even the palest reflection, even the briefest glimpse of flashing time trapped on his canvas, he would be perfectly happy.

The GNP, the Germans, the Commies, the—whatever. Life was starting again, and he wasn't going to miss it.


	3. SasuSaku Let's Try Happy

A/N: Er, I suppose spoilers for 370ish on. _You know_.

SasuSaku Pipedream 2  
Let's Try Happy

6.13.08

"We just don't have any passion," she explained wearily, tugging again, futilely, at the wrist he clutched.

Sasuke stared back at her, his lips slightly parted and his gaze unrelenting. He refused to release her wrist, even when she tugged harder.

A breath of something that might have been words passed through his lips. Sakura frowned, but leaned forwards, all the better to hear. She was unprepared when his hand slid up her wrist, fingers lacing between hers, and glanced at him in surprise when he pulled her closer through their contact.

When she'd agreed to go training with him earlier that day, she hadn't been expecting anything. Oh, maybe she had thought he might take her out to dinner. That was typically what any of them did when they posed invitations to train. It was just good manners. About the only one who didn't offer to feed his sparring partners was Kakashi, but no one expected much of him, to be perfectly honest.

What she did expect was to beat some sense into him, have some sense beaten into her, heal his wounds, eat dinner at some casual restaurant that was _not_ Ichiraku, and then part ways for the night. Sasuke was still a silent type and Sakura no longer felt the need to chatter incessantly, so the conversation would be limited, but Sakura was past the point of feeling awkward with someone so comfortable with his silences anyways.

They'd done it before, after all. Once, maybe, she might have been leery of training alone with him, aware of past connotations and unwilling to do anything that might make her seem like that old weak Sakura. He frequently trained with others, but didn't invite her, and she felt maybe he was thinking along the same lines as she was and never pressed.

First, they had started with team training matches. It was never just the two of them; someone else was always there with them. Then he had apparently become comfortable enough to invite her for one-on-one matches.

Sakura hadn't minded. Sasuke was comfortable with her, and he was the one asking so she didn't need to feel awkward at all. And it was a pleasure to ram her fist into his chest and hear his ribs crack, or to abruptly cut the flow of chakra to his chidori with one tap of her arm.

Of course, he'd run her through more times than she could count, and burned her and electrocuted her too. It was part of the give-and-take nature of sparring, but the fact that she _could_ land hits on him meant that things had changed. The fact that he invited her to these matches meant that he respected her.

Sakura was okay with the fact that none of her hits would ever _really_ be revenge for all the pain he'd put her through. She was a forgiving creature anyways, and at least he had made friends again, even if her foolish childhood dreams had long been crushed. She had found that it was easier being happy for herself if she was happy for him first.

So she had not expected him to suddenly catch her wrist as she drew her hand back from healing the chidori burns that marred his own skin from her testing of a new medical jutsu. Sure, as a genin she had once imagined how he would react to her in a romantic sense. She had thought of all the little ways a sudden touch from him could open new doorways.

Frankly, she imagined a whole lot that never came true. She imagined what it would be like if the woman carrying that pie down the street had tripped and flung the pastry into the face of another walker. She imagined what it would be like for the hail outside her window to shatter the glass and ruin her apartment.

It was just part of daily life, considering all the possibilities that might arise with one small change. Everybody did it. She had just been more focused on Sasuke possibilities when she was smitten with him back in her youth.

"Sasuke," she whispered once, tiredly. "I don't love you."

He had gotten better, she thought, at raising the shutters in his eyes over the years. If it was his learning to drop his guard, or whatever, he now was better at allowing people to actually see his emotions. It was probably what had started earning him actual friends among his peers.

Still, sometimes he sank back into old habits and the familiar blinders came down over his eyes, obscuring his thoughts. He really was much better, so sometimes he probably just forgot and hid his emotions without realizing it.

When he spoke, Sakura looked into his eyes. His expression wasn't blank the way it always used to be when he _never_ let anything through, even if his words had some deep meaning. He had friends because he'd learn to suppress that bitter callousness.

"Yes, you do," he said. "If you didn't love me, why would you train with me?" The way he spoke, he knew that she might only love him as a friend, but his eyes were _hopeful_.

Sakura looked at him, opening her mouth, and then closing it, biting down on her tongue.

"When did you learn to love me?" she whispered. "Was it when I stopped loving you?"

"I don't know," he said, his thumb running along the skin of her hand. "I know it must have been gradual because every time I saw you I felt guilty. One day I looked up and I thought you were gorgeous, and I knew."

Sakura had nothing to say to that. His quiet admission and his _hope_. It hurt most because at twelve-years-old she had channeled those two things so very _well_.

"Part of me," he continued, "hopes that you'll leave me. So I don't have to feel so damn _guilty_. Then I'd know what you've been through and I'd feel like… like at least some of the debt I owe you is repaid."

"Love… shouldn't be about guilt," she said.

"I _know_," he said, hissing the word with self-directed anger. "But I don't _deserve_ to love you until I've made it up to you, Sakura!" His eyes were needy. He looked like all he ever wanted to do was say her name, a mantra of repentance.

"I like our friendship," she said, but she was aware it sounded weak. "I like hitting you," she said, feeling she was on firmer ground.

"I know," Sasuke said, though this time he sounded more amused and, if it was possible for her to truly hear the emotion in his voice, more in love. "I've noticed that, so I try to let you."

Sakura shot him a look and he shook his head. "I know Naruto pulls his punches. But you'd hate that. I'm always one hundred percent with you, Sakura, so when you land a hit on me it will only make you better."

Something flashed in his eyes, and it was the _good_ sort of protectiveness, the kind that said he'd fight back to back with her and never doubt her steps.

"I might not be able to, you know. Love you." He was meeting her eyes and refusing to drop her hand at the same time. "I buried those feelings years ago. I decided it would be easier to be happy with myself if I was happy for you. I was… am willing to accept you."

But he'd erred. She could see it in his eyes, even as she pulled gently, dragging her hand from his.

"I changed for you," Sasuke said, not forcing anything, only stating a fact. "I want to be more of the person I should have been and less of the person you were willing to accept all those years ago."

He hesitated once, glancing at the hand he had held, looking down, then into her face. Bravely, he continued, "I'm sorry, Sakura. I have never once apologized to you. I'm sorry."

Slowly, she reached forward and took his hand in hers, lacing their fingers and returning his previous caress. Sasuke was looking at her, visibly startled. He had been holding his breath, waiting for her answer, and the sudden contact had made him release it in a small exhale.

"One kiss," she smiled at him, a thin wispy thing his eyes nevertheless ate up. His hand was warm in hers, so much bigger, but still just as calloused.

Gently, as if afraid of breaking the most fragile of genjutsu, he raised his other hand to her face, cupping her chin briefly, before letting the pads of his fingers trace the curve of her jaw up into her hairline.

His hand slid through her hair to the back of her neck, cupping her nape and delicately tilting her head back. He leaned forward, ever conscious that she could break away if she wanted to, and pressed his lips to hers.

Sasuke was firm, and then he was tender. He slanted his mouth against hers and it was better than what she might have thought of at twelve because he wasn't emotionless yet burning; he was in awe of her, and he needed her with every breath he took.

Sakura smiled the tiniest bit against his lips. The hand at her nape clenched and trembled slightly before Sasuke pulled her into his chest and deepened the kiss.

Truthfully, she hadn't been sure that she _could _love him. It had been very many years and she _was_ happy. But she'd given him one kiss, one kiss just in case she was wrong and perhaps there was something hidden in her heart just for him.

She smiled and opened her mouth, running her tongue along his bottom lip and kissing him back when his parted lips split and his tongue slipped into her mouth. He clutched her hand desperately, and she could feel how fast his heart was beating.

When he pulled away for air, Sasuke buried his face into her hair, pressing his smile to her neck and kissing her softly. Sakura let him hold her close, nearly pulled into his lap and straddling him, and was glad he wasn't looking at her, because the look in his eyes would either send her into tears or keep them in the forest for the next two days.

As they moved to leave the training fields, Sasuke had been unable to keep his hands off of her, pausing every few steps to press kisses to her temple, her eyelids, her cheek, her neck, her nose. He avoided anything too passionate, suddenly afraid that with the new power she'd granted him he'd be too tempted to take her against the nearest tree.

Neither had expected to see Naruto in the village on the way to dinner, though maybe they just hadn't been thinking clearly. Either way, the sight of their linked hands and the way they smiled but continued staring determinedly ahead stopped the blonde in his tracks.

He looked once at the almost bashful Sasuke, and then at Sakura before his face broke out into a brilliant smile that said he was just _so happy_. Sakura hit him, once, when his eyes got a bit teary just to sober him up, but his smile continued flashing in his eyes and he left them alone without saying anything.

Dinner was a quiet affair where their linked hands sat in plain sight on the table. They released their hold because Sasuke couldn't eat with his left hand, then promptly rejoined again because Sakura could. Sasuke grinned at her, and her years of being a med-nin and needing to eat and write at the same time were paying off.

Outside the restaurant, he had offered to walk her home, but Sakura only looked at him. He quavered, but all it took was one kiss from her on her tippy-toes to break his resolve.

"There's something to be said for a man who always feels he has to make it up to you," Sakura said later to Hinata as they both watched the pictures on the ultrasound. Naruto had excused himself for a moment, and could be heard excitedly telling anyone nearby that he was going to be a daddy! A daddy! out in the hallway.

Hinata blushed the tiniest bit, but rested her hands on her stomach and smiled happily at Sakura. "Have you thought about children?"

"Sasuke's not so urgent about reviving his clan anymore. Not after everything that happened. Not after Itachi."

"I see. But maybe someday."

"I think so," Sakura said with a smile, "yes."

Of course, he hadn't been quite so sure when she'd brought the matter up with him. But Sakura had thought maybe, a little boy named Itachi? for the brother he had lost?

Sasuke had said no until she had looked at him and told him that they would raise this one in the kind of family the original had deserved. His frown had morphed into a shaky smile, and he had told her that he wasn't ready and she had leaned forwards and wrapped her arms around his chest and told him to wait until his nephew was born to see how he felt.

Of course when he'd stared at her in confusion, she couldn't resist the urge to lean forward and whisper in his ear _Teme_.

"It's really about time, anyways," Ino said, "He can't keep his hands off you!"

Sakura blushed and spun the straw in her glass in circles. "You finally trained him to be a bit more possessive, huh?"

"Oh, no," Sakura corrected. "He learned that all on his own. He just likes it when I take charge."

Ino rolled her eyes, but congratulated her all the same, and Sakura waited eagerly for Sasuke to come back from his mission, loving the way the first thing he did when he came back was wrap his hands around her waist and pull her against his chest.

"How about some training?" he suggested leisurely. "Taijutsu?"

"Tsunade said no strenuous activity," Sakura said, waiting for him to ask her why? and smiling despite herself in anticipation.

She frowned in confusion when his hands settled over her belly. "Something easy then, like genjutsu. Tsunade also said using your chakra periodically will be good for the baby."

"How?" she asked, turning her head and accepting the kiss he placed on her cheek.

"I delivered my mission report first this time. Tsunade's gotten mad at me one too many times. She says I should be reporting in first and not making everyone wait for a week just to get my mission scroll."

Sakura laughed, leaning back against him and covering his hands with hers.

"Itachi, huh? What if it's a girl?"

"Oh, I don't know," Sakura said teasingly. "Maybe Itachi then too."

Sasuke laughed, deeply, and turned her around so he had a better vantage point from which to reach her lips.

-

A/N: Felt like writing something ROMANTIC and HAPPY because KISHI FAILS FOREVER.

Also: _Itaaaachiiiiiii… _WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.


	4. Akatsuki Love Shack

Love Shack

8.20.08

Itachi was walking along, very casually. He had nothing much to be interested in: The walls were white, the sky was white, the everything was very, very white. But he continued walking because that is what Uchiha Itachi did and sooner or later there was bound to be some color.

Instead he found a cabin. From a long way off he had been curious about the speck of brown. It was the first color he had viewed in his bizarre environment, and for a time he believed it to be a mirage, or a trick of his eyes, even though his Sharingan was activated.

But, no, it was in fact a cabin. A woodsy affair meant for vacation trips into the mountains at a luxurious resort attempting a more "rustic affair." In short, it did not fit in with the surroundings. Sure, everything was white, like snow, but the cabin stood on an overwhelming field of nothingness, and that was peculiar indeed.

Because there was not much else to do, Itachi walked up and knocked. He stood still then, and looked at his feet. Under his sandals was a welcome mat. It was bright, Sharingan red, had black hearts, and proclaimed in white italic script "Welcome." Itachi straightened from his examinations when he heard voices and stared at the flat wood of the door.

"What was that, yeah?"

"It was a knock."

"Are you going to see who it is?"

"Tch. Brat."

Itachi looked down very calmly into Sasori's face when the door opened. Sasori gave him one long, assessing glance, then stepped out of the doorway.

"It's Itachi," he called over his shoulder.

There was an answering mutter of "Ew," followed more loudly by "That Uchiha finally kicked the bucket?"

"It appears so," Sasori answered, gesturing vaguely for Itachi to step inside. Without waiting for him, Sasori turned and walked down the hallway leading from the door into the rest of the cabin without another word.

Because he was polite, Itachi shut the door behind him, even though in this empty reality there was little point. Following Sasori, he turned right with the hallway, passing a doorway on his left and stepping into a spacious living room. Four other people were in the large room.

Sasori had taken up an armchair previously abandoned and had a book open in his hands. Hidan law sprawled across the lengthy couch, pillows heaped upon the empty ends so no one else could sit down. Kakuzu was sitting on a floor pillow, his elbows on the coffee table in front of Hidan. Both of them also had books in front of them.

"Nice of you to join us, yeah," Deidara chuckled with dark amusement, and Itachi looked up to see him hanging upside down. There was a staircase to the right of where he was standing leading up to a balcony overlooking the living room. Deidara was dangling from the railing lining the balcony, holding a book.

Even the sight of four Akatsuki members (mostly) non-inclined towards reading could not faze Itachi. He gave Deidara a curt nod, and then said to the room in general, "What is this?"

"What, you couldn't tell?" Hidan snorted derisively, without looking up. Only Kakuzu paid Itachi any attention, looking up and gesturing behind his back at the wall behind him.

"Welcome," he said blandly, "to the Love Shack."

Itachi turned his attention to what he had assumed to be a wall out of the corner of his eye. It wasn't quite that he had let his guard down and failed to examine the room minutely. It was more like he hadn't even bothered to care, since anything that was new and different in this dull, abysmal world was welcome.

Besides, he was pretty sure he was dead already.

When he turned to his left to view the wall, Itachi couldn't help the slight widening of his eyes. There were books stacked floor to ceiling, in various thicknesses and colors. Though there were no shelves to hold them, they stayed upright and did not come crashing down in a tidal wave of printed word upon the very room in general.

Everyone else seemed well aware of this fact, if the dull, rhythmic sound of pages turning was any proof. Itachi stalked closer for a better look, and found out what Kakuzu had been talking about.

As far as he could tell (for even his Sharingan-enhanced sight could not see all the way up to the rafters) every single book was a romance novel. As such, many of the books were in florid pinks, purples and blues, though every color imaginable was represented by the numerous spines.

Since really there was only one step to take next, Itachi reached forward and plucked a book at random from the wall. Instead of triggering a chain reaction that would lead to an avalanche of books, however, another, completely different, book appeared in the vacated space.

Interested in this reaction, Itachi pulled out another book, and then another, each time greeted with the same reaction. Never did the same book appear twice, and all the books seemed different. Very soon, Itachi was holding a very large pile of the books, and contemplating what to do with them seriously.

"You might want to read those first before you take another," Sasori said from behind him dryly.

"Will they disappear after I read them?" Itachi asked. "Otherwise, how else do I get rid of them?"

"It doesn't really matter," Hidan said, turning onto his back and propping his book up over his face. "Burn them, chop, cut, rip, freeze, melt them, turn them into papier-mâché"—an amused chuckle came from Deidara's direction—", it doesn't matter."

"We just chuck them outside," Kakuzu answered, "they disappear after a while."

"So this is what happens after death?"

"Apparently," Sasori said.

"Fuck this," Hidan said conversationally, "I shouldn't be stuck here with you heathens in your 'special hell."

"Shut the fuck up, yeah," Deidara said just as pleasantly. "Maybe if your 'Jashin-sama' was so great you wouldn't be here with _us_ reading shit romance novels."

Hidan muttered something inaudible and incoherent, but didn't put up much of a fight. Silence fell over the room in general, save for the steady noise of reading. Itachi still stood before the giant wall of books, his stack in his arms. He made no move to put them down or find somewhere to sit, only watched the room.

After a few minutes of this, Deidara made a frustrated sound and chucked his book efficiently at Hidan's head. "Here's another for you, Hidan-_chan_. Goddamn fuzzy handcuffs _again_, yeah."

"Whatever," Hidan growled, having caught the book easily. He held it up to read the title, and then turned it over to read the summary on the back. Apparently, he found the new book more interesting than his old book, for he immediately threw the old book to Kakuzu.

Kakuzu caught the book with a sigh and placed it on the table next to him. From above, Deidara gracefully untangled himself from the railing and flipped, landing on the floor behind Hidan's couch.

"Will one of you bastards show the Uchiha around or something? His creepy staring is getting on my nerves, yeah." Nobody in the room moved. Deidara ran a hand through his hair and turned to Sasori. "Sasori no Danna," he cooed, an annoying whinge added to his voice.

"What _is_ it, brat?" Sasori barked, slamming his book on the end table next to him and turning to his partner with thinly-veiled annoyance.

"Get that out of the room, yeah." Deidara pointed brusquely at Itachi, who was apparently "that."

Sasori rolled his eyes, but got up, and started for the area under the stairs, not even bothering to see if Itachi was following or not. Itachi, after a moment of deliberation, dropped the books to the floor. Stepping over them, he moved to follow Sasori through the open hallway under the stairs and straight into the kitchen.

"Here's the kitchen," Sasori said needlessly. He turned on his heel, going back out into the hallway and continuing along instead of re-entering the living room.

"Here are a couple of bedrooms," he gestured to them as he passed, "the hallway bathroom, and the master bedroom and bath." He didn't offer to show Itachi the master bedroom, and Itachi quietly surmised that Sasori had claimed it for himself, having been first.

Sasori then led him back through the living room and up the stairs to the landing. "There's another bedroom and bath up here, and this room," he opened a door to an empty room, devoid of anything but a desk. "There's a linen closet up here, and downstairs near the front door. Oh," he said, seeming to have realized something.

Without elaborating on what he'd just thought of, Sasori moved to the landing and leaned over the railing. Itachi noticed the narrowing of his eyes when he realized Deidara had taken his chair.

"Congratulations, brat. There aren't any bedrooms left, so you get to bunk with Itachi."

"What?" Deidara shouted, shooting to his feet. "The fuck I'm sharing with that prick!"

"I wasn't aware you needed both the top _and_ bottom bunks," Hidan said, looking up with a nasty smirk.

Angrily, Deidara stormed upstairs, throwing open the door to his bedroom. "Fine," he grit out, rounding on Itachi, "_you_ can have the bottom bunk," he said, his stress on "you" turning it into a loathsome insult.

Itachi looked over Deidara's shoulder into the room, examined the beds, and left the doorway. There was really nothing to say, so he went downstairs and started browsing the books in earnest.

Itachi made a surprising discovery as he examined the books. A strange organizing system did seem to exist, as the books were separated into stacks by genre. During his browsing, he came across the famous Icha Icha novels, and chose one, simply because it was familiar.

Dragging a chair in from the kitchen, Itachi sat and opened the book before him. Though he turned the pages at about the rate he would read them, he was really examining the other Akatsuki.

Sasori had kicked Deidara from his chair, and Deidara had retreated to the couch. He and Hidan had piled a heap of pillows and books into a makeshift barrier and were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Kakuzu had barely moved, though he was now reading a different book.

Of everyone present, Sasori and Kakuzu alone seemed interested in actually reading the books. Sasori read despite the boredom in his eyes, or the moments when he rolled his eyes in disgust. Occasionally his eyes widened and the boredom left them, and Itachi understood he had found something interesting or surprising.

Kakuzu had a fixed, narrow-eyed expression on his face as he read. His expression remained serious, though his frown deepened when he found something he particularly disliked. Kakuzu's reading speed picked up when he seemed able to guess what would happen next.

Typical of his usual angry demeanor, Hidan turned each page as if it had personally insulted him or his god. A small pile of ripped bits of paper and torn pages littered the floor at his feet. Hidan seemed to skip through entire sections of the book to find particular chapters, and then once he had read them, grew bored and tossed the book at Kakuzu, who had a pile of Hidan's rejected books next to him.

Deidara initially read his book, but once he grew bored would continue flipping pages until something interested him. With particularly boring books, he let his thumb skim along the pages, flipping the entire book before throwing the book with a dismissive noise at the bookshelf. The books that interested him more than they bored him were carefully put aside in a pile at his feet.

After some indeterminate time, Sasori stirred. He sat up, put his book on the table next to his chair, and stood up. Deidara perked up at his actions and picked up the small pile of books at his feet.

"These were okay," he muttered.

"I'm got some here," Kakuzu offered next, turning to yet another of the piles stacked around them.

"I threw all the good ones at Kakuzu," Hidan shrugged, getting up and rolling his shoulders.

Kakuzu and Sasori both seemed to be in charge of gathering the so-called "good" books and placing them with some others that were piled up behind Sasori's chair. Then by unspoken agreement, everyone took the books they'd rejected or didn't care to read and threw them out the front door.

Itachi watched everything with a bland eye, leaving his unread Icha Icha book on the chair he had borrowed from the kitchen. He then followed Deidara upstairs because it appeared everyone was going to sleep, despite the fact that this world had no time.

"Every day is the same?" he asked Deidara.

"Pretty much, yeah. We fight sometimes when we get really bored. I blew up the house once and it all came back." He shrugged carelessly and pulled off his shirt, throwing it into a drawer of his dresser before climbing up to the top bunk.

He sat there mulishly, glaring at Itachi as Itachi sat on his bunk and removed his sandals. Discarding his shirt as well, Itachi turned back his covers and got up to turn off the lights. Looking up, he could see Deidara still glaring down at him before he turned his back and faced the wall.

Itachi blinked awake in a dark room and thought for a moment that Deidara was in fact sleeping above him and he had an eternity of horrible, cheesy romance novels awaiting him.

Then he shifted and found Kisame's comforting, warm presence at his side. At his casual brush, Kisame stirred and rolled onto his side to face Itachi.

"What is it, Itachi?' he asked into the darkness.

"Just a dream," Itachi replied, still staring up at the ceiling. When Kisame pressed closer he didn't resist.

"About what?"

"Romance novels."

"Really?" Kisame chuckled, propping himself up onto an elbow to lean over Itachi.

"I was dead and with the rest of the dead Akatsuki in an empty world full of romance novels. I think it was supposed to be hell."

Kisame burst into full-out laughter at his words. "The brat, the puppet master, and the zombie duo all reading pink books with hearts on the covers? That sounds more like a nightmare"

"Yes," Itachi smirked, catching some of Kisame's amusement. "I was sharing a bunk bed with Deidara."

"I bet he _loved_ that," Kisame snorted.

"It is something to go to bed with another person above you hanging over you and glaring."

"Hmm," Kisame murmured, the amused smirk not leaving his face, though his eyes took on a different glint. "Is it now?" One of his hands snuck around Itachi's waist and pulled him closer before settling on his thigh.

Itachi chose not to reply, simply raising his head as Kisame leaned down and accepting the kiss his partner bestowed on him.

Sasuke sat up in bed with a pained gasp, only to find that he was clutching his chest above his heart hard enough to dig his fingernails into his skin. Slowly unclenching his hand, he dug the back of his knuckles into his eyes to try and rub the image of his brother being intimate with Hoshigaki Kisame out of his mind's eye.

Unfortunately, Sasuke had no such luck, and the image continued to dance tauntingly behind his eyes. With a groan, Sasuke flopped back onto his pillow, only to sit up again a moment later.

"Uncle Sasuke?" A small voice asked. "You're awake?"

"Yes," Sasuke tried not to think about _why_ he was awake. "What's wrong?"

"Uncle Sugietsu scared me again and I couldn't sleep. When are my daddies coming again?"

With a sigh, Sasuke turned on his bedside lamp, turning to look at the young, blue boy standing tearily before his bed. "Kisame and my brother will be here to pick you up tomorrow."

-

A/N: THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY FUNNY (I fail at crackfics sorry sorry!)

But it wanted to be written so out it came.

Next in the chain, Sasuke would wake up _fo REAL_ and wobble around the next day staring constantly at Kisame in suspicious, horrified fascination. And then Kisame would hit on him.

And _then_ Kisame would wake up and go and get absolutely smashed and then wind up in bed with… with… _Tsunade_ or something… which he probably would not mind too much.

Then Tsunade would wake up on her desk and swear off sake and switch her beverage of choice to vodka. Or something.


	5. SasuSaku Strawberry Milk

SasuSaku Pipedream 3  
Strawberry Milk

8.21.08

"_Sakura_," Ino hissed, causing her friend to look up in mild surprise, "don't look, but Sasuke just came in."

"Ah, okay…" Sakura shrugged carelessly. Unless Sasuke approached her for some reason, she didn't much care what he was doing.

"How can you be so unaffected!" Ino's tone was furious, though her voice didn't rise above a whisper. "I swear he's been following you around lately. Whenever I see you he turns up a minute later. Is he _stalking_ you or something?"

"_Please_," Sakura said unkindly, "Why the hell would Sasuke follow _me_ around? And _stalking_? C'mon, Pig, be serious here."

"Okay, whatever, Forehead!" Ino glared, "Just because I'm trying to be a good friend and—_Oh my god!_"

Sakura rolled her eyes, but refused to turn her head and look. "What is it now, Pig?"

"He's—" Ino trailed off, her eyes wide in surprise. Suddenly, her eyebrows lowered and she stared at Sakura seriously, a strange expression in her eyes. "He's drinking strawberry milk. While staring at you."

"You're joking."

"I'm not. Look for yourself."

So Sakura turned and met Sasuke's eyes. He was indeed drinking strawberry milk and when he saw her looking, he raised the glass very deliberately and took a long drink. Sakura watched all this in mild confusion before turning back to Ino and shaking her head.

"Weird."

Ino's expression grew incredulous. "Forehead, what… Uchiha Sasuke is sitting behind you drinking strawberry milk. If that isn't a come on, I don't know what is."

"I don't know what that dumbass thinks he's doing," Sakura grumbled, "but if he's challenging me he doesn't know what he's in for. Uchiha Sasuke or not I'll kick his ass."

Ino stared at her for a few seconds before she rolled her eyes. "If you want to think he's challenging you or something stupid like that, it's _your_ business. But I'll say this one more time: _He is coming on to you_."

"Pig," Sakura said flatly, "you want to pair everyone up and see drama where there is none. Your crazy matchmaker tendencies are acting up again. Sasuke is probably being a dick about something, and sooner or later I'll have to set him straight."

"Fine," Ino said, just as flatly, "you're paying for lunch."

Sakura rolled her eyes again, but didn't protest. She paid for their lunches and followed Ino out without looking at Sasuke again.

-

"Alright, Teme, spill."

"It didn't work," Sasuke said, staring at the tabletop.

"What do you _mean_, 'it didn't work'?"

"I mean it didn't work," Sasuke repeated, refusing to look at Naruto.

"What!" Kiba exclaimed. "You seriously went to where she was having lunch, sat at the closest table, and stared at her while drinking strawberry milk and she didn't notice _at all_?"

"No."

"I don't understand either," Neji stated calmly. "Please explain."

"She looked at me."

"Okaaay, so it _did _work?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"No."

"But she looked at you!"

"I think what Uchiha means is that he didn't get the desired result, i.e. Sakura jumping into his arms and declaring her undying devotion," Shikamaru said from where he was wedged at the very back of the booth with a roll of his eyes.

"But you got her attention."

"No. I got Ino's attention."

"Which is as good as getting Sakura's attention," Naruto filled in. "So she saw you drinking the milk."

"Yes."

"She looked at you."

"Yes."

"And it didn't work?"

"Hn."

"I don't get it," Naruto said. Beside him, Kiba nodded his head.

"She…" Neji worked through his thoughts. "She didn't perceive that you were very obviously trying to grasp her attention?"

"_No_," Sasuke ground out.

"I don't believe that of Sakura-san," Neji said flatly.

"Yeah, I don't agree either. Sakura-chan isn't as dumb as that. You _must _have been doing something wrong, Teme!"

"_Dobe_," Sasuke growled warningly.

"Or maybe she just doesn't like you?" Kiba questioned.

"No way! Sakura-chan totally still likes Teme! I though she was going to behead him after he insulted her when he first got back and she didn't even give him a black eye!"

Sasuke let out a groan of frustration and lowered his head to the table.

"Uchiha, you're really stupid," Neji said with a smirk.

Sasuke didn't stir, but a mutter of something that sounded suspiciously like "TenTen" came from the direction of his lowered head.

"Oh yeaaaah," Kiba grinned. "So does that mean you and TenTen are going steady now, Neji?"

"There is nothing between TenTen and myself," Neji replied, his spine ramrod straight.

"Suuuuurrrree," Kiba smirked.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered, then louder, "Uchiha, I know it's not your style, but you're going to have to be obvious about it. She's probably still pretty pissed at you, and she's not going to get it unless you're blunt, especially since _you_ were the one who rejected _her_."

"I know!" Naruto exclaimed suddenly. "I'll go ask Sai. I'm sure he's read something in those books of his."

"_No_," Sasuke growled, lifting his head from the table. "Dobe, don't even _think_ about it."

Naruto stuck his tongue out impudently. "Who else knows about girls that I can ask for advice? I can ask Lee, he likes Sakura-chan..."

"No!" Neji hissed desperately. "Don't ask Lee. Do _not_ ask Lee!"

"Uh," Naruto faltered, raking his memory for other male acquaintances. "Shino?"

"Hah, yeah right!" Kiba barked. "As if bug boy's even had a _date_ before!"

"You could ask Ino," Shikamaru suggested. "She's a girl, she probably understands this sort of thing."

"Yeah, but, Shikamaru, Ino's a _girl_." Naruto was oblivious to Shikamaru's eye roll. "Won't she tell Sakura-chan? I bet Teme wants to keep this a secret."

Shikamaru looked at Sasuke, who had his head in his hands yet again. Sasuke did indeed want to keep his relationship troubles secret, but was smart enough to realize that, having involved Naruto, secrecy was now utterly impossible.

"Oh!" Naruto visibly brightened. "I'll ask Kaka-sensei!"

Sasuke let his head drop back to the table.

-

_Was_ he stalking her? Ino's words had only served to make Sakura paranoid. Now each time she saw a bit of black out of the corner of her eye, she was convinced it was Sasuke and whipped her head around. Not only was she giving herself whiplash, but some of the nurses were giving her worried glances.

Sighing, Sakura went to her office to pick up her next round of patients' medical charts and found Sasuke lounging against her office door. She stared at him suspiciously before looking around. Other people passing in the hallway were indeed staring at him, meaning she wasn't going crazy and imagining him.

"Sasuke," she sighed. "What do you want?"

"Are you busy?" he asked, stare intense.

"Um." Sakura blinked at him, then looked down at her hospital attire, wondering why the answer wasn't obvious to him. When she looked up, Sasuke was still blocking the way into her office. "Yes," she bit out, annoyance rising.

"I mean…" he looked away, and his expression was frustrated. "Later? Later are you busy?"

"I don't know," Sakura said, with waning patience. "I'll be busier the longer you stand in front of my office and stop me from doing my rounds."

Sasuke blinked once and hastily scrambled out of her way.

"Thanks," Sakura said, without any real feeling.

"So?"

"So what?" She asked, collecting the next stack of medical records she needed and trading them with the handful she had been carrying.

"Are you busy later?"

"Yes, in fact, I _am_ very busy later, Sasuke," she snapped. "I'm working overtime this week so I can take a few days off next week. If you'd asked Naruto I'm sure he could have told you that!"

Then she was out of her office, leaving Sasuke behind her to leave and close the door after himself. Only later that night did a nurse Sakura was friendly with come up to her and ask her slyly how it was going with her boyfriend.

"What?" Sakura asked intelligently, pausing in writing a comment on a patient's medical chart.

"Your boyfriend, Haruno-san. I saw the two of you talking earlier."

"What, you mean Sasuke?" Sakura asked, still distracted. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Oh?" The woman faltered somewhat. "But I always see him around looking after you. He never approaches because he must know you're busy, but I thought… He's not your boyfriend?"

"No," Sakura said angrily, "Just a stupid former teammate. I can't believe him!" With a frustrated huff she grabbed her chat and stormed off, leaving the poor nurse flustered and bewildered.

Before she had honestly believed Ino was spouting nonsense. But during the course of the rest of the week, she began to realize that Ino had been telling the truth.

For a start, Sasuke did apparently haunt her footsteps at the hospital. She never quite caught sight of him herself, but she could easily identify when he had just been around the corner by the gossiping nurses and medics who giggled and smiled awkwardly when she came into sight.

Then there was the fact that he _did_ have a disturbing tendency of showing up around the village where she was. If she made a stop at the grocery store after work, he'd be there in one of the aisles she passed examining something, even if it really did look like he needed new shampoo or something like that.

Of course he didn't show up all the time, and it wasn't like he was constantly around, but the fact that he was _sometimes_ was driving her to distraction, to the point where Tsunade called her round to the Hokage's office at the end of her shift on Friday.

"I'm starting to think giving you that overtime was a mistake, Sakura. I've been hearing reports from the hospital about how you seem stressed," Tsunade said, regarding Sakura seriously over the mess on her desk.

"It's not me!" Sakura protested. "It's that idiot Sasuke!"

"The Uchiha? Not Naruto?"

"No! He keeps following me," Sakura griped. "I have no idea _why_, but he seems to have some problem with me, only he won't tell me what it _is_. So I keep seeing him out of the corner of my eye and it's driving me crazy! If that bastard wants a fight, he's doing a good job of getting one."

"Well, stalking is sexual harassment," Tsunade mused.

"Shishou," Sakura rolled her eyes, "_please_. You're starting to sound like Ino."

Tsunade lifted an eyebrow curiously. "And what does Ino say?"

"She says that Sasuke's after _me_. Which is preposterous. Ino just wants to pair people up, and the idea of Sasuke and I finally getting together is one she just can't resist."

"Oh?" Tsunade smiled. "You don't think she could be right?"

"It's highly doubtful. Sasuke certainly doesn't _act_ like someone who wants a date with me."

"Stalking notwithstanding?"

Sakura just shook her head. "Shishou, it's fine. I got over that crush a long time ago. It's not like I _want_ him to fall in love with me or something. You don't need to be optimistic for me."

"Alright, Sakura," Tsunade said easily. "Have a good weekend and take it easy. You'll be back on Thursday?"

"Yes. Thank you, Tsunade-shishou."

Sakura turned her back, leaving the office before she could see the calculating look appear on her shishou's face.

-

"It's Friday and you don't have a date. Teme, what's up?" Naruto prodded his best friend in the chest.

"You _did_ ask her, didn't you?" Sai asked pleasantly.

Beside him, Kakashi had his face resolutely pressed into his book. He was squeezed between Sai and Shino. Shikamaru was still at the back of the booth, but now he was joined by Chouji.

"I did." Sasuke glared at Sai.

"Were you obvious about it?" Neji asked curiously.

"Yes."

"Define obvious," Shino added.

Sasuke shuffled at being put on the spot by the recalcitrant bug user, but finally answered from somewhere under his bangs. "I asked her if she was busy later."

"That _sounds_ pretty obvious," Kiba said doubtfully. "So why didn't it work?"

"Later is too vague!" Lee exclaimed. "You must tell her what you want to do with her _now! _If you simply explain to Sakura-san that you are blinded with utter devotion by the sight of her glorious cherry blossom locks and would like to run away with her to a world where only the two of you and your beautiful youthful romance exists, she will definitely understand and return your feelings with her own youthful vigor!"

Lee's exclamation was met with silence by the table at large. Neji, in particular, seemed to be glaring in annoyance at his teammate.

"Lee," Shikamaru finally said with a sigh. "Shouldn't you not be helping Sasuke? He's after Sakura, meaning he's _your_ rival for her heart."

"Yosh! Under normal circumstances I might not be here, but Sakura-san has already rejected all of my overtures of undying passion so far. Sasuke-san may be my rival, but this is Sakura-san's springtime of youth we are discussing. I must do my hardest to make sure Sasuke-san is worthy of Sakura-san's brilliant affection, so if she picks him I will have lost honorably!"

Nobody at the table seemed quite able to fathom Lee's optimism, least of all Sasuke, who was watching Lee with confusion.

"I think Lee is right," Chouji spoke up. "If you were going to ask her out on a date, you should have mentioned where you'd be eating."

"Chouji," Shikamaru sighed, "I seriously doubt what Sakura might want from Sasuke is food. If she even wants anything from him the first place."

Sasuke didn't visibly react to Shikamaru's dig, but Kakashi was regarding him curiously from over the top of his book, and Naruto was staring steadily at him for some sign of reaction.

"Well I don't know," Kiba muttered rebelliously. "I think asking if she was busy later was pretty obvious."

"When you couple such a statement with a grope, of course the meaning is obvious," Shino said casually. "Some people are more subtle."

"Shut up, Shino! What the hell do you know, anyways? You've never even had a date!"

"You don't know that," Shino remarked cryptically. He made no more comments, despite the fact that his statement had gained the attention of everyone at the table.

"Tch," Naruto grumbled, poking Sasuke again. "You probably just did it wrong again, Teme."

"Sasuke," Kakashi said seriously, finally looking up from his book, "if you really love her, you have to be willing to work for her. Sakura isn't twelve anymore."

"I know that," Sasuke growled sullenly.

"Then you should put more effort into asking Ugly out on a date," Sai remarked cheerfully.

"Of course he should!" Ino broke in, storming up to their table and staring intently at Sasuke. "Moron! Sakura is too dense, and even if she wasn't you shouldn't be able to get off so easily anyway! I'm _glad_ she's making you work for it, even if the brain behind that huge forehead of hers doesn't know it."

The table had been momentarily surprised by Ino's sudden appearance and entrance into the conversation, but the general air of confusion grew when Tsunade appeared behind the younger girl and walked straight up to where Sasuke was sitting.

"Uchiha," she intoned solemnly, "do you honestly intend to establish a relationship with Sakura?"

"Yes." Sasuke lifted his jaw stubbornly, to the amazement of everyone else present, and met Tsunade's gaze stubbornly, "I do."

"Oh," Tsunade smiled shakily, and Sasuke was shocked to see tears in her eyes. "I'm so proud of you!" She set a hand on his shoulder familiarly, while lifting the other to wipe at her teary eyes. "It's about time!"

"I'll say!" Ino seconded.

"Ne, Shikamaru!" Naruto whined. "Did you invite Ino?"

"No," Shikamaru said wearily. "She approached _me_ about this."

"Hey, hey," Ino frowned, "Sakura is my best friend. And, anyway, Tsunade-sama asked me if I knew what was going on." She shrugged. "So I asked Shikamaru." Shikamaru sunk down in his seat at her words.

"So you better do a good job with Sakura's heart, Sasuke! If you don't, all the people present will kill you."

Of course, Sasuke already knew this. He rolled his eyes at Ino's words, but didn't try to defend himself or argue.

"Speaking of which," Ino continued, rounding on Neji this time, "Neji! Tell TenTen how you feel." Neji stiffened, and then turned to glare at Shikamaru, who slumped further. "And Naruto!" Naruto jumped when she turned on him. "Stop being so oblivious!"

By the time Ino was done, Shikamaru had practically slipped under the table. Sasuke had a satisfied smirk on his lips from hearing everyone else berated and because the attention had been taken off of himself.

Finally, Kakashi snapped his book back, tucking it into his pocket. "I think I'll call it a night," he said, casually diffusing some of the attention away from Shikamaru as the entire party disbanded, Tsunade already having drifted to the bar to order herself some sake.

"I'm sure you can do it, Teme," Naruto smiled.

Sasuke looked away, but muttered very quietly under his breath, "Thanks, Dobe."

-

It was very early Saturday morning that Sakura stumbled out of bed and blearily went to open the door. Under normal circumstances she hated being awoken earlier than need be on the days she wasn't working. Uchiha Sasuke being the one to have knocked on her door was not part of the usual definition of "normal circumstances."

"What do you _want_?" Sakura hissed, blinking at him through her half-closed eyes.

"Sakura," Sasuke began, "I want—"

"Wait!" Imperiously, Sakura held up a hand in his face. "Cram it, Uchiha, I know what you want."

"Sakura," Sasuke tried again, because so far everything had been very, very wrong, and he had a good idea Sakura _didn't_ know what he wanted.

But she interrupted him before he could get any more words out. "Team Seven's old training ground. Three o'clock. Goddamnit and I am going to _kick your ass_."

The door was very firmly slammed in Sasuke's face. Sighing wearily, he went to go tell Naruto.

-

"Naruto," Kiba groaned, holding his head in his hands, "is there some reason for you waking us up _before two o'clock?!_"

A few other people muttered in obvious agreement. This time, Naruto had gained the attention of practically any ninja of any consequence whatsoever to the Rookie Nine. Thusly, the formerly very packed booth was now extended to include two other tables. If several people weren't sporting hangovers, the noise level would be insurmountable.

"Because!" Naruto replied. "Sasuke screwed up again."

The dissatisfied mutters turned into a large collective mutter of "_Uchiha_."

"Did you even listen to what we had to say?" Neji questioned tiredly.

"She didn't even let me get any words out."

"Well you should have tried harder!" Ino exclaimed. "What's _wrong_ with you? God, am I glad I don't even like you anymore," she grumbled.

"You really are very dense," Sai smiled.

"What did you even _do_?" TenTen asked from where she sat beside Lee.

"Nothing," Sasuke repeated, "She didn't let me say anything."

"You should have proclaimed your youthful love and devotion!" Lee exclaimed. "If you had let her know of your burgeoning feelings earlier, I am sure Sakura-san would not be angry with you now!"

"Of course!" Gai took up after his student. "As Kakashi's student it is only natural you would try to 'play it cool,' but that is no way to win a woman's heart! After all, look at my great rival here, who is still single."

A sputter was heard from behind Kakashi's book, but his masked face did not appear, despite the scrutiny of everyone sitting close enough to see him.

"I have even heard from my student that Aburame Shino has come into the blossom of his youth. Why, nearly every ninja at this table has, and…"

Shino stared very pointedly at Lee who continued to sparkle disarmingly. Seeing his glares were not working, Shino turned to Neji, who shrugged as if to say "Be my guest."

Everyone else but Lee ignored Gai's rambling and turned back to Sasuke.

"H-Have you done anything to m-make Sakura-san angry lately, Uchiha-san?" Hinata spoke up from where she had been hiding slightly behind Ino.

"Yeah! Hinata-chan's right, Teme. You've done everything wrong so far, so you probably made Sakura-chan even angrier because of your shitty courting job."

Sasuke only stared at his best friend, who was oblivious to Hinata's blushing and sneaking glances. "Dobe…"

"The Hag does anger very easily," Sai said. "And Sasuke-san is not the most delicate of people." He indulged very pleasantly in Sasuke's proposed glaring match.

"There's some truth to the statement," Shikamaru said. "Uchiha, have you done something recently to annoy Sakura?"

"It's all that damn stalking you've been doing lately!" Ino piped up. "Of course _I_ knew you were infatuated, but Sakura thought you were challenging her or something."

Every head whipped to stare at Sasuke, who had twitched rather tellingly at the word "infatuated."

"Stalking? You mean the way she used to back in the Academy?" Neji smirked insufferably.

"It is rather low class," Shino mumbled, ignoring the raised eyebrows he received.

"You had all those excellent chances to confess your love to Sakura-san, and you did not use them?" Lee gasped dramatically.

"Yeah, Uchiha," TenTen said while elbowing Lee in the side to shut him up, "if you wanted something from her you should have just _asked_."

"Now Sakura thinks you've got a problem with her," Ino frowned. "Tch! I don't have time for that girl's stupid issues."

"Really," Kiba inserted. "Tell her what you want. Girls hate it when you don't tell them anything."

"Well," TenTen amended with a frown and a glance at Neji, "girls hate it when they don't know what you mean."

"I-It _is_ nice when you say something."

"Right. Sakura-chan shouldn't have to do everything for you. Teme, even _you_ should be able to get it right. Sai gets it right all the time!"

Sasuke gave Naruto an incredulous look. The kunoichi present gave Sai scandalized looks, while a few of the other ninja looked on him with new respect.

"Let me guess," Shikamaru said, "you went to go talk to her this morning, didn't you?"

"Sakura does like to sleep in," Kakashi observed.

"So you woke her up and made her even angrier," Shikamaru surmised. "Did she go and challenge you to a match, by any chance?"

"…Hn."

Kakashi sighed. "That's Sakura-chan for you."

"Yeah, the Teme woke up Sakura-chan after he's been annoying her all this week, and now she wants him to show up at our old training ground at three."

"Naruto…" Sasuke glared.

"So you've still got one more chance to make it right with her! What are you doing sitting around with us?" Ino yelped. "You should be using this time to plan!"

"You must trumpet your love for her on the scenic land of your old training ground!" Gai said exuberantly.

"Perhaps a stroll through the glorious greenery of Konoha?" was Lee's comparatively mild suggestion.

"A picnic?" Chouji supplied. Shikamaru rolled his eyes but chose not to reply.

"Aww," Kiba muttered. "Just kiss her already. Girls like that kind of romantic stuff."

"A-a kiss _would _b-be nice."

"Yeah! Teme, you should definitely kiss Sakura-chan, especially since hugging her will just bring back bad memories."

Sasuke turned on his best friend with murder in his eyes.

"Whatever you do," Kakashi said, book down and eye-crease in place, "try to do it before she throws the first punch?"

Wordlessly, Sasuke met his old sensei's eye, nodded and rose. After he had left, the other occupants of the extended table sat silently looking at each other.

"Do any of you actually trust that moron to get it right?" Kiba finally asked the gathering.

Most everybody said no. Sai smiled and shook his head. Neji and Ino both snorted derisively. Even Hinata gave her head a timid shake. Naruto gaped at all of them.

"I know Teme is, well, _Teme_, but you guys should have more faith in him!"

"Naruto."

Naruto looked sheepishly at Kakashi. "Yeah, okay, I was going to go watch too. Even if Sasuke fails, it's always pretty funny when Sakura-chan decks him."

His opinion was shared by the rest of the party. Everyone else went to go cancel any appointments they might have for three o'clock.

-

Sakura had shown up at 2:40 on the dot and spent the remaining twenty minutes pacing a rut into the earth of the training ground. She was fully looking forward to taking Sasuke down a peg or two.

Where did he get off, stalking her, bothering her, and waking her up in the morning? Sakura was just waiting to pound his smug, insufferable face into the dirt. Teach _him_ to pick on her just because he thought she was still weak. Weak! She was going to show _him _weak.

The minute Sakura felt Sasuke's chakra signature, she settled into a guarded crouch. He alighted before her, hands extended defensively, but Sakura was _so_ past the point of talking.

"Sakura—"

"What, you didn't even bring your katana?" she cut him off with a sneer. "You must really not think that highly of me." Then she charged him.

At first the battle adrenaline was strong in her system. She was going to crack his ribs. She was going to send him flying. She was _going_ to beat him! Or not, as she soon realized. For it became quickly apparent that Sasuke was dodging her blows. He didn't try to hit back, but he avoided all of her hits.

Sakura grit her teeth in frustration and let lose another flurry of blows, all of which Sasuke avoided or deflected. She glared furiously at him and tried again, curling her hand into a fist, only to have him catch her wrist before she could punch him in the face.

"Sakura," Sasuke said again, more insistently.

"Shut the hell up," she hissed, trying to hit him with her free hand. He caught her other wrist and yanked hard, pulling her closer to his chest.

"Sakura, would you just _listen_ to me—"

"No! I will _not_ just listen to you!" She struggled, but it undermined her balance and made it possible for him to drag her closer. In order to prevent a collision with his chest, Sakura stood still, planting her feet firmly and leaning away from him. "So let go of me so I can beat you up!"

"Sakura," he growled, taking a few steps towards her because she wouldn't come to him, "I was _not_ trying to challenge you! And—"

She blinked, looking up at him. At first his words didn't get through to her, but what she did hear was the utter frustration in his voice. His eyes looked desperate. Sakura tilted her head up to look at him when she understood his meaning. But Sasuke clammed up, pressing his lips tight together and refusing to say anything, though he didn't look away from her.

"And?"

"And I… I'm sorry," he suddenly snapped, letting go of her and backing away. "I can't," he frowned. "I just _can't_…!"

"You can't what?" Sakura jumped when he pulled out kunai, wondering in utter confusion just who the fuck this was and where the crap the real Uchiha Sasuke was.

Thankfully, he didn't aim at her, but at the bushes around them, throwing the kunai in an effortless streak through the air and into the foliage surrounding them. For a few seconds Sakura honestly thought Sasuke had completely lost his mind.

Stalking? Challenges? Strawberry milk?

Then she heard a familiar voice call out in annoyance, "Owww! What the fuck was that for, Teme? You could have hurt me!" Naruto stumbled out of the trees from where he had been hiding, shaking leaves out of his hair and waving his fist at Sasuke.

Next from the trees came other mutters in equally familiar voices, things like "What the crap, Naruto!" and "Thanks for totally blowing our cover!" and "But it was just getting good!"

Which left Sakura blinking at a large group of her friends and peers, most having the decency to look mortified at being caught, but some, like Naruto, just looking annoyed at Sasuke for revealing their presence.

"Kakashi-sensei?" She gaped at her teacher, then frowned when he waved cheerfully and proceeded to sidle behind Gai. "Gai-sensei? Shino-san, Neji-san, TenTen, Ino? _Hinata-chan_?" Hinata blushed and looked down at the ground in embarrassment. "_Everyone_? What is everyone doing here?"

"Ah, well, see, Sakura-chan," Naruto grinned sheepishly, "the, er, Teme here… He was trying to…"

"Oh," Sakura's brows snapped down. She ignored Sai's mutter of "Now look what you've done, Dickless" and rounded on Sasuke. "So this was _your_ idea? Did you plan, I don't know, some sort of joke with me and invite everyone in on it?"

She was aware her volume had gradually rising until she was yelling at the end of her statement, but she didn't care, only continued to stare at Sasuke who seemed to be glowering at everyone present except herself.

"_No_," Sasuke said, his voice so quiet that it instantly had her hackles rising. "No I did _not_ plan 'this.'" He turned from everyone else to regard her steadily. "I'm sorry, Sakura, but I can't confess to you like this, with an audience, because confessions are _supposed_ to be romantic." His head swiveled as he turned once again to glare at the gathered shinobi. "So _get out_," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Instantly the training ground was abandoned. Sasuke continued staring away from her until he seemed satisfied that everyone had left, then his posture drooped and he ran a hand through his hair tiredly and walked up to her.

"Sakura, I'm sorry. I…" he paused, staring at her. "Why are you crying?"

"Y-you… you were trying to confess to me? I thought you were being a dick again and doing something stupid!"

"I'm sorry," he hesitated, then reached forward to caress her cheek. "Sakura, don't cry."

"But I'm really happy!" she protested shakily. "And—hey, you haven't confessed yet!"

"So you shouldn't be crying yet," he smirked, wiping at her tears.

"You jerk!" she broke out. "I'm not crying! I'm completely _not_ crying. So give me my confession already." Sakura wiped at her tears furiously, raising her chin and glaring at him.

"Sakura," Sasuke intoned solemnly, drawing closer and tipping her chin up, "I love you and I want to be in a relationship with you."

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"Yes."

Aware that she was crying again, Sakura smiled at him. "Okay." She waited for an amount of time she deemed appropriate, then asked, "Now will you kiss me?"

Of course he smirked.

"Yes."

-

A/N: GAWD WHATEVER. (sniffsob I want this to happen fo realz)

Hahahahah

(This is how it went…)

Naruto: Ok, ok, I've got it. You know strawberry milk?  
Kiba: Yeah?  
Naruto: It's _pink!  
_Kiba: Yeah!  
Naruto: It's _pink milk!  
_Kiba: Just like Sakura! Sakura is _pink!  
_Naruto: Yeah! Teme, you should totally do that! Because Sakura-chan will definitely notice!  
Shikamaru: …Troublesome.  
Sasuke: Dobe.  
Kiba: No, wait, Naruto. Look at Sasuke for a moment.  
Naruto: Huh? Why?  
Kiba: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?  
Naruto: Why can't Baa-chan just retire already and let me be Hokage?  
Kiba: Nooooo! Sasuke with a milk moustache! A _pink_ milk moustache!  
Naruto: Ahahahah oh my god!  
Shikamaru: I can kind of see why you wanted to get power outside the village.  
Sasuke: …Hn.


	6. Akatsuki Going in Circles

A/N: Over 70 hits and not a single review? C'mon, that's not very nice. :/  
I was thinking of offering to take requests, but you _do_ kind of have to review to pose requests, and I guess that's just unthinkable…

Going in Circles

9.22.08

"Again."

Hidan peeked around the doorframe, an arrogant sneer and a shit-eating grin already etched on his face. He paused in the doorway when his brain caught up and told his body what his eyes were seeing.

Kakuzu, the errant partner he'd been searching for out of boredom, was staring at their youngest member with his angriest blank look. Even Hidan, who took a special vindictive pleasure in trying to push his partner as far as possible without incurring any sort of repercussion, found himself retracting the vaguely inflammatory comment that was about to pass his lips.

Deidara was standing next to his partner, scowling fiercely into space, thrusting his re-attached right arm at Hidan's partner. In the deadly calm he was good at channeling, Kakuzu extended a hand. Threads shot out of his fingers and into Deidara's arm, quickly unraveling the stitches in his flesh until the disconnected forearm fell limply to the floor.

Deidara made no move to retrieve it, only continued staring furiously at nothing. Kakuzu stepped forward, collected the limb, and pressed it against the stump of Deidara's arm. He turned it back and forth, lining it up carefully, before the threads shot out of his hand and re-stitched the two limbs together.

Brusquely, Deidara shook out the arm. He strode over to a small table, picked up the pencil that was lying on top of it, and proceeded to start drawing something on it. Hidan couldn't see exactly what he was doing, considering the brat's back was to him.

However, from the tense set of Deidara's shoulders and the way he clapped the pencil back on the table, Hidan already knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"Again."

The entire process was repeated. Kakuzu had to be simmering in rage, if the silent acquiescing way he obeyed Deidara's orders was anything to go by. Still, the blonde seemed unaware of the potential disaster he was courting. Hidan had long since gotten comfortable with the doorframe and set in to wait for the incoming explosion.

This time, there was a pause before Deidara pushed his arm at Kakuzu and demanded it be disconnected and reattached again. From the way he paused in front of the table, he was having trouble deciding if Kakuzu had managed to do the job perfectly or not.

Still, he turned back and held out his arm again. "Again, yeah. You almost got it."

Hidan had had enough. Kakuzu's rage was palpable in the air, and it was getting _his_ blood pressure up too. His patience was notoriously shorter than Kakuzu's, and he was tired of the little punk monopolizing _his _partner and somehow managing to get Kakuzu angrier than Hidan himself had ever gotten him without grievous bodily harm resulting.

"Ok, what the fuck!" He launched himself into the room, stopping confrontationally close. "Just stick the dumb thing on and get it over with."

Deidara had ignored him since he appeared, but he turned to Hidan then and glared hatefully. "_Some people_," he sneered, "actually need their limbs to _work properly_, yeah. We can't all get stronger by inhaling some poor fuck's blood."

Hidan was suitably affronted. The little shit had just insulted his religion! "Blondie, you're going to pay for that remark. As if some base heathen like yourself could understand the mystery of Jashin's religion. As if you'd be _worthy_ of Jashin's power and favor!"

"As if I'd _want_ it!" Deidara shot back. Abruptly, he turned his head away from Hidan and stalked towards the table. Hidan realized that at some point during their fight Kakuzu had repositioned Deidara's arm.

Over at the table, Deidara scribbled away. Suddenly, his head whipped around and he flew across the room towards Hidan. "Look at that! It's even worse than before!" He was angrily waving the scrap of paper he'd been doodling on as he ranted. "If you're going to fuck things up, go take a mission from Leader that will get you _killed_, yeah, and stop bothering me!"

Hidan snatched the piece of paper from the blonde and stared at it incredulously. It was covered in smudged pencil scribbles. He wasn't exactly sure what they were supposed to be, but he knew for a fact that all _he_ could see were a bunch of scratchy blobs.

"What the freaking hell," he hissed, before he felt his temper well and fully _snap _and started yelling. "You little shit! Don't you _dare _bad-mouth my religion! What the fuck is wrong with you? You prissy little bitch. And what the fuck is this? Is _this_ what you're mad about? It's just a shitty mess!"

"What would you know about it, _yeah_?" Deidara drew himself up, not about to let Hidan tower over him. "I could care less about _your_ religion in comparison to _my_ art!"

"Art, huh? You're the shittiest artist I've ever met if you consider this _art_. I bet Sasori could have drawn better than this."

Deidara ripped the paper from Hidan's hand, apoplectic with rage. "_Shut the fuck up_," he growled. "Leave Master Sasori and my art _out_ of this. I may be a heathen, but you're an uncultured slob, yeah. You wouldn't know art if I shoved it down your throat and blew you to your dumb fucking religion's kingdom come."

Hidan was reaching for something sharp to stab Deidara with to start his ritual before either of them could blink. He cursed himself for leaving his scythe back in his room, and was about to go for his kunai when a sharp voice stopped the impending violence.

"_Enough_," Kakuzu yelled. "Deidara, if that arm _still _doesn't work, then I will reattach it the _next_ time we are both here at HQ, otherwise _find someone else to do it for you_. Hidan," he turned on his partner, "get out. You're a distraction."

Sulkily, Hidan retreated to the doorway. As much as he resisted the idea that Kakuzu called the shots in their partnership, he knew which of the two of them was more powerful when angered, and it wasn't him. He got sloppy in rage. Kakuzu got so squeaky-clean the bastard _shone_.

At the end of his sentence, Kakuzu latched forcibly onto Deidara's arm and spent a good five minutes scrutinizing it. He moved the severed limb in tiny, miniscule turns that were driving Hidan and his patience up the wall.

Deidara had a petulant look on his face as he endured it, but from the cautious light in his eye, it was pretty obvious he wasn't going to mess with Kakuzu either. He stood perfectly still, submitting meekly as Kakuzu finished up and completed the stitches.

When Kakuzu was done, Deidara shuffled over to the table and his pencil, taking the much crumpled paper with him. His scribbling lasted barely twenty seconds before he turned back to Kakuzu.

"It's perfect, yeah. Thanks." Shooting Hidan a contemptuous glare that just said murdering him would be _so _easy, Deidara held out the paper to Kakuzu. His manner was almost apologetic as he pointed out something Hidan couldn't see from where he stood.

"I see," Kakuzu said mildly. Hidan was flabbergasted, not being able to see what it was that had taken Kakuzu's temper down so quickly. "There is a difference."

"Yeah," Deidara shrugged, at ease now that everything was apparently forgiven. "You did fine with the left one. I didn't think there'd be a problem with this one, but I was wrong. Sorry about that."

"As long as your performance won't be affected."

"No, I'll be fine, yeah. Thanks again." And Deidara walked out of the room, giving Hidan one more glare for good measure before he left.

"What the fuck was that about?" Hidan asked once he was done glowering at Deidara's back.

"As Akatsuki medic, I'm in charge of this sort of thing."

"No—what the fuck was _that_ about?" Hidan pointed at the piece of paper. Shrugging, Kakuzu handed it to him and pointed to the circle Deidara had drawn his attention to.

"I don't get it," Hidan said finally after staring intently at the pencil markings. "What's the difference?"

They both stared down at the markings on the paper. Though the paper was badly mauled from the fight earlier, it was easy to see that the newest blob was a perfect circle of a uniform tone of grey. The other penciled shapes looked like the sort of out-of-the-lines blobs children routinely made with crayon.

"I don't really understand either," Kakuzu shrugged. "It must be an artist thing."

-

A/N: I hate shading, I really do.

Uhh. I guess I should explain this. When you shade you are "supposed to" shade in a circular motion so you get an even tone instead of accidentally applying too much pressure and getting weird too-dark and too-light splotches while you're shading.

I resist the idea that Deidara just uses his hand-mouths to mold clay. I think it's more likely he also needs his hands for precise control since he is an _artist_, hence why he needs super precise reattachment of limbs.

Haha weird idea, yeah. I was procrastinating art projects, big surprise.


	7. Team 8 OTP

A/N: Still for Re-Ane/Al. Also: Ha Ha.

OTP

10.1.08

"THEY ARE LIKE DIRY FILTHY CRACKWHORE CANDY TO ME," Kiba's voice erupted into the calm stillness of the night.

Shino sighed, very, very tiredly and rolled his eyes. "Kiba," he intoned, "Come down off that streetlight."

"I WON'T."

"Kiba—"

"NO! You're trying to take me from my one-true-love! We're an OTP, you know!"

"An Overly Troublesome Person…?"

"No! A One True Pairing! God, Shino, you don't know _anything! _What a loser!" Kiba snorted scornfully and slid down four inches from where he had wrapped himself around the streetlight. "Noo! Penelope, don't leave me!"

Frowning in annoyance, Shino walked over and very calmly delivered a kick to the base of the streetlight. With an inarticulate cry, Kiba fell off and onto his back, legs twitching like a dying bug.

Sighing again, Shino stopped to take hold of his teammate when Kiba latched onto his neck and forcibly used Shino to haul himself up. "Oh, Shino, I lied. You're my OTL."

"Overly Troubled Leader?"

"Noooo, silly. My One True Lover!"

Shino opened his mouth, then closed it when Kiba shoved his face into Shino's hood, smelling like the alcohol he had obviously consumed too much of. Recoiling, Shino was just in time to see Hinata emerge from the cramped ninja dive from around Kiba's head.

"O-hh, thanks!" She grinned to someone inside, waving slightly and smiling ear-to-ear. Her cheeks were flushed and she seemed less self conscious than usual, if her cheerful words were anything to go by. Then she turned and started walking towards them. Shino saw her weave slightly and a chill went down his spine.

_Oh no_.

"Shino-kun! Kiba-kun!" Hinata cried. Kiba gave a little start at the sound of his name from where he was half-collapsed on Shino's chest. "T-That was fun, don't you think?" Numbly, Shino nodded assent.

"You bet, Hina-chan!" Kiba laughed, clutching at Shino and angling himself to face front. "But, damn, if only Penelope hadn't jilted me…"

"Penelope? The streetlight?" Shino looked down at the man in his arms in bewilderment.

"No! We're totally over!" Kiba declared. "Shino's my true lover!"

"R-Really?" Hinata asked. "T-That makes sense. I've always thought S-Shino-kun would be a good lover." Shino stared at her in shock. "Don't you think so, Kiba-kun?"

"Definitely!" Kiba flashed Hinata a grin. He turned and kissed Shino.

Shino stood transfixed in horror as Kiba added a little tooth and pressed his canines into Shino's bottom lip. With a jolt, Shino jerked himself away and, just for good measure, punched Kiba full in the face.

"Owwwww!" Kiba hissed. "What the crap, Shino, I've told you to stay off the mushrooms! They're going to your head!"

"Mushrooms?" Hinata gasped. "O-Oh no! Shino-kun, you know you're not allowed to eat them anymore. Not after that time in the forest."

"Yeah, yeah!" Kiba nodded enthusiastically.

Shino could do nothing but stare at the both of them in confused shock. He honestly could not at any time recall ever having problems with mushrooms. They were both obviously drunk.

"Oh no!" Hinata said again. Shino looked at her in worry. "You remember w-what happened last time?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Kiba repeated.

"Then you know what we n-need to do!"

"Yeah, yeah!"

They advanced on poor Shino. A few thoughts passed through his head questioning why his teammates weren't acting drunker. To be fair, Kiba was swaying very heavily and looked extremely bleary. But Hinata only seemed flushed. She wasn't walking straight though, and Shino acknowledged the dread curling in his stomach. Obviously, he was dealing with two very inebriated teammates.

"Hang on," he tried to command them in the voice he normally used when issuing instructions, but they only moved towards him faster.

"Hinata, Kiba," he said, "stop. You're both drunk."

"That's re-reh-ridick-dumb! I am not drunk!"

"You're stuttering," Shino pointed out, still backing away.

"No!" Kiba protested.

"Y-yeah, no!" Hinata echoed.

Suddenly, Shino found his back was to the wall of a building. Seeing his predicament, Hinata and Kiba looked at each other in their alcoholic haze. Kiba darted forward and grabbed both of Shino's hands, and for a drunk his hold was rather tight.

"I've got him now, Hina! Get him!"

"Yaaaa!" Hinata cried. "Tickle attack!" She barreled straight into Shino, doing her best to worm her fingers under his arms and around his neck, and her weight combined with Kiba's drunken leaning bore Shino straight to the ground.

"Kiba-kun, it's not working!"

"I'm not ticklish," Shino said patiently from the ground where Kiba and Hinata were draped all over him.

"W-Well, what now?"

Kiba awoke with a start and looked at Hinata in confusion. "Let's dance!"

"N-No, I don't think this will work this time! We've got to do something else before he's too far gone!"

"Ready the E.R."

"Stat!" Hinata cried, though she was giggling a little. "I need that, um, that thing. Y-you know what I'm talking about, Kiba-kun?"

"The oars! You need the oars!" Kiba seemed to be succumbing to Hinata's laughing fits.

"N-No, Kiba-kun. You mean the paddles, the p-paddles!" So saying, Hinata collapsed on top of Shino. Kiba took his cue and fell over Shino too until they were one big Team 8 heap, two-thirds of which was laughing. Shino took the opportunity to form seals, latch onto both of them, and transport them to his house.

Once home, they were still all rolled up into a bundle package. With a concentrated effort, Shino pushed Kiba off, pulled Hinata into his arms, and carried the still-giggling girl into his room. When he put her on his bed, she rolled over and promptly buried her face in his pillow to muffle his giggles.

Shino turned to deal with Kiba, only to have the other man appear in the doorway and stalk towards him before he could leave the room. In a sudden rush, Kiba tackled him into the bed. There was a minor tussle where Hinata, still laughing, and Kiba both wrassled a struggling Shino into bed until he couldn't escape from their limpet clutches.

"Kiba, Hinata."

"Y-You smell nice, Shino-kun," Hinata sighed, pressing her face into Shino's neck where it was exposed. During the scrambling, Shino's jacket had come partially unzipped, and the rest of his team were under similar conditions. Shino didn't want to think about it as he laid on his back between Kiba and Hinata.

He tried to escape once more, just for the heck of it, but Hinata's hand brushed alarmingly close to his crotch as she tried to tighten her hold on him, and Kiba groped him with a very obvious drunken giggle. Shino settled himself down for a long night.

But it was only five minutes later and Kiba started pressing sloppy kisses to Shino's face while murmuring nonsense. Shino bore it a total of twenty seconds before Kiba started nibbling and licking his neck. Unable to take it, Shino shied away, further towards the Hinata-chan side of the bed, only to have her hand actually brush his crotch.

Shino stiffed and pulled away. Kiba took it as a sign to continue, and tried to fumble Shino out of his jacket. Growling in annoyance, Shino elbowed Kiba in the stomach, but almost in response Hinata took it upon herself to drape herself over Shino's chest, squirming to get comfortable and rubbing her not insubstantial chest all over him.

Kiba rejoined the fray, grasping Shino's waist and pulling the two of them closer to him, where he proceeded to start feeling up Shino's thigh. Hinata swatted him and scooted up Shino's chest to get away from him, leaving her breasts almost level with his face. Reflexively, before he was smothered, Shino drew in a breath.

Just because apparently life hated him right now, Kiba took that moment to whisper wetly in Shino's ear, "Was it good for you?"

Unable to help himself, Shino exhaled in shock, and found himself getting more personal with Hinata's chest than he'd ever wanted to be. Finally, Shino had had enough. Forming seals, he got himself _out._

"Do you have a guest room open?" he asked Neji as soon as he'd arrived in the Hyuuga compound.

Neji raised an eyebrow at him, looking at Shino with his hood down, hair ruffled, and jacket almost completely unzipped. "Is my cousin okay?"

"Probably."

"You know where to go," Neji said dismissively. Shino thanked him with a nod and shuffled off dejectedly down the hallway. Neji watched him go curiously before forming seals and going to investigate.

"Hinata, you can't sleep here," he told his cousin as soon as he was apprised of the situation. Though she looked extremely comfy cuddling into Inuzuka, he had no doubt that the moment she woke up she'd be utterly embarrassed.

"Nnngoway," she replied in one syllable.

With a huff, Neji dragged a hand through his hair and bent over to pick his intoxicated cousin up. Abruptly, he was laying face down on Shino's bed, not even sure when Kiba had gotten a solid hold on him.

"Mmm," Kiba nuzzled into his hair, "you have _gor-gorge-great _hair," he slurred. Neji felt his eye start to twitch. Hinata burrowed into his other side.

"Ugh," she frowned, pushing away from Neji and pushing him further into the groping hands of Kiba, "I hate honeydew melon." Neji felt the other eye start twitching.

Kiba took a big inhale of Neji's hair from where he was sprawled over the other man. With a choking gasp he pulled away coughing. "Grooosss," Kiba cried, "You smell like that disgusting shampoo that dumb Neji Hyuuga uses!"

Neji glared into Shino's pillow.


	8. KakaSaku Interlude

3.8.11 A/N: Normally written for the pairing music meme I did with Re-Ane _ages_ ago. This idea has spawned a longer fic, but it's never gone far so I'm posting the original idea with the "restart."  
The next chapter of Do Over is almost done, I promise, but today's my birthday and I wanted to post a _little_ something. Did you know KakaSaku is totally my favorite Naruto pairing ever? Which explains why I'm writing a SasuSaku chaptered fic...

2.18.08 KakaSaku FaceOff

* * *

4. Normal Town – Better Than Ezra

"I just don't know what to do with you," Kakashi muttered, running a hand through his hair tiredly.

"Untying me would be great," Sakura glared.

"You know I can't do that," Kakashi sighed. "You'll just knock me out as soon as I do and then I'll be forced to catch you again."

"So what? Just turn me in for your fucking bounty already, why don't you? Why keep me," she snapped. "Why do you always catch me and never turn me in?"

"Because," he said. "If I let you go, someone else would turn you in."

"So why keep me?" She practically yelled. "Turn me in! I don't need your help, bastard. Do you think keeping me locked up is going to keep me safe? Protect me from what's out there, protect me from what I've done?"

"No," he growled. "I don't."

"Then I don't understand." Sakura turned her head away, refusing to look at him.

"Shit."

* * *

4. cont'd.

'_Shit.' _He kissed her then, with no compunctions over the fact that she was tied up and completely at his mercy. Only when she seemed to again become aware of her surroundings and stiffened did he draw away.

"Do you understand now?" he whispered into her ear before drawing away, licking his lips and watching the shudder that went through her entire body with half-lidded eyes.

"I-I'll still hit you if you untie me," Sakura muttered.

"So it's good that I didn't."

He walked away then, left her alone in the room tied to that chair with her hands and feet bound. Kakashi knew he should stay: She couldn't be left alone in a room without being watched; there was always a very good chance she would escape.

But, truthfully, he didn't trust himself to stay. It was dangerous, especially when he knew exactly where he wanted his hands to be on her body and what he wanted them to be doing.

Even if she escaped, he'd still catch her again. And maybe next time he wouldn't have to tie her up.


	9. Labyruto SasuSaku Wish

A/N: Broke the 24 hrs rule with this one, but I need to get back into the swing of writing and this one liked me. I really am working on Do Over, promise.

Warning: This is a silly thing! LabyrinthxNaruto

3.3.11

* * *

Jareth raises an eyebrow at the youth with the sleeping child draped over his shoulder.

"But you want to run the maze."

"I cannot." The older boy doesn't seem to realize he is holding his brother so close it is obvious the last thing he wants to do is let go.

His eyes are dark as he runs a hand obsessively over the younger boy's hair. "He will be better off with you."

Jareth doesn't deny this. The truth is in the older boy's eyes. Calmly, he accepts the sleeping boy, watching as his brother makes sure to tuck a small purple dinosaur toy carefully in his brother's hand when it had been in danger of falling out.

"Goodbye, Sasuke," he whispers, his hand lingering over the little boy's forehead one last time. His eyes are full of emotion, and then they shutter and slowly bleed red.

Jareth leaves with the child tucked securely into his arms. Just this once he doesn't remove the wisher's memories. He has a feeling the boy will need them where he is going.

* * *

The boy sits up in bed with a gasp, hand instinctively reaching for the purple dinosaur toy. Jareth places his bookmark to mark the page and looks up.

"What is it?"

"I dreamed I had a brother. But…" He hesitates, eyes cloudy with sleep and confusion. "I don't have a brother."

* * *

"Why would anyone wish him away?"

Jareth frowns at his young charge. Sasuke has an unusual ability to go where he wants without being detected. It's already proven to be a talent specifically designed to cause Jareth unnecessary amounts of stress and worry.

Now Sasuke is peering over his shoulder at the newly wished-away child. The boy is around Sasuke's age, and as much the opposite of Sasuke in looks as it is possible to be.

"The wisher called him a monster."

Sasuke's eyes scrunch in concentration as he tries to see this connection. The other child is blond, with fair, pale skin. There is a pattern of strange, even scratches on the boy's cheeks that Jareth observes with narrowed eyes.

"He doesn't look like a monster."

The boy is sleeping now, but Jareth suspects that were he awake, his eyes would be bright blue. He has the complexion of an angel, and Jareth is inclined to agree with Sasuke.

* * *

Naruto is a monster, Jareth finds out later, but probably not for the same reasons for which he was wished away.

Personality-wise, Sasuke is the more angelic of the two, and Jareth has to give him credit. It is Sasuke's influence that keeps Naruto from getting completely out of control, but Jareth still spends a significant portion of every day running damage control around the castle and the Goblin City.

The two have an extreme talent for wreaking havoc. Jareth finds himself putting his knowledge of the most obscure areas of the Labyrinth to good use, usually just in time to pull Naruto and Sasuke out of some mischief by the collars of their shirts.

At first he worries, because some parts of the Labyrinth aren't nice, and he has no desire to see the two boys come to a rather grisly end. Then he searches in increasing agitation one suspiciously quiet day and finds them with the Fireys.

His first instinct is to swoop in and save them. The Fireys are overly enthusiastic and slightly homicidal even on the best of days. But something tells him to sit back and wait, and to his astonishment he realizes the Fireys are treating the two boys with something very like respect.

Jareth looks at them, though frankly he can't see it. Still, from that day on he leaves them alone. Apparently, they don't need as much of his protection as he thinks.

But he doesn't understand why. To him they are just children.

* * *

"I don't _care_ who her father is," Sasuke says, the epitome of eight-year-old petulance etched in his voice and his pout. "She's annoying and she follows me around all the time and she _giggles_."

Jareth raises an eyebrow as his charge rants, always more amused than annoyed when Sasuke stops being overly serious and acts like his age.

"Naruto thinks I'm lucky she likes me but I bet Naruto wouldn't like it if she tried to talk to _him_ all the time."

"Hm," Jareth says in agreement, an idea forming in his head. Then, when Sasuke frowns at him suspiciously, he smiles, very slowly. If anything, this makes Sasuke look even more worried. By now, he's come to recognize that expression on his adopted father's face, and to know it doesn't bode well.

"But is there anything you _do _like about her?"

Reluctantly, Sasuke gives this some thought, as if he's been assigned a particularly odious chore.

"She smells nice. And I guess… I guess her hair is pr—interesting."

Jareth hums. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," he says in agreement.

This doesn't appease Sasuke, but Sasuke wouldn't be such a good protégé if he could be fooled so easily.

* * *

It's interesting how different children are, Jareth thinks.

He likes to make the time to teach them magic at least once a week. He's the most qualified individual in his kingdom, after all, and he likes to watch their talents bloom.

Sasuke has a gift for illusions, for which Jareth is proud, but also for elemental magic. At first it seems he leans towards fire, but eventually Jareth realizes Sasuke has somewhat of a dual nature, for he also has influence over the weather. Not to mention that damnable talent for going where he wants without being noticed.

Naruto, who is too much to handle already, can sometimes be beside himself, quite literally. His knack for being in more than one place at once is a cause for constant headaches. He's also hyperactive as all hell, but that's probably a personality quirk more than a talent. At least Jareth hopes he'll grow out of it.

And he knows for a fact that Sasuke's pseudo-girlfriend has already gained a reputation as the most skilled healer in the Underground, and a talented diplomat. She is good at dispelling illusions, which gives Jareth no small amount of satisfaction, and has been rumored to be preternaturally strong, though the story that she threw a toy through a stone wall in her first display of juvenile temper may just be exaggeration.

There are others, of course. A girl who can see through solid objects, into the distance, and in so many color spectrums it's no wonder she's a shy, clumsy thing. A boy with a strange connection to magical pests, who might be the best gardener since Hoggle discovered he had no talent with his forefathers' forge and tools. Changelings, shape-shifters, those with elemental control, the ability to talk to animals, and who can see through lies.

Sasuke's eyes have never been any color except black, but Jareth still watches.

* * *

"What are you doing?"

The woman peering cautiously around the hedges yelps and spins around.

Sasuke has heard of the Challengers, but he's never actually seen one. The woman before him is panting, one hand held in shock to her heart. Her clothes are torn and there's a cut on her cheek. But overall what strikes him is her manner. She looks like a dangerous, cornered animal. He feels his hackles rise.

"Do you live here?" she asks. Then, before he can answer, "how do I get to the Goblin City?"

His eyes narrow. Sasuke is eight-years-old and has lived in the Goblin City for nearly two years. By now, he has almost as little sympathy for the Challengers who don't really care as Jareth does.

"I can tell you, but first prove to me why I should. Why do you want the child back?"

The woman's face screws up in a frown. It's obvious she's having trouble coming up with an answer. Finally, she seems to come up with something she thinks will satisfy him.

"She's my sister's baby. If I don't look after her, mom will cut me out of the inheritance. I don't know how to raise a kid! I'm not even married! But I can't leave her here, even if I don't want to raise her. What's that freak going to do with her? Eat her?"

Pausing, she takes a look at Sasuke. "I don't want her, but she's definitely better off with me than that… man-_thing_."

Sasuke is inclined to disagree. Jareth might be unconventional, but he cares about the children. And he certainly doesn't _eat_ them.

He points one finger to the left. Her face lights up. "You can go that way, if you want. But," and here her eyes narrow in suspicion, "you have to want her. If you don't want her badly enough you'll never get there in time."

He ends in a glare. The woman doesn't even stop to thank him before she runs off in the direction he pointed. He's almost inclined to follow her, but Sasuke isn't cruel. And he knows Jareth will be watching her every step of the way.

* * *

Four months shy of his twelfth birthday Sasuke gets sick.

At first, it's nothing. He spends his days studying, and when that gets boring, putting what he's learned into use by taunting Naruto. Between his illusions and Naruto's doppelgangers, hide-and-seek in the Goblin City is more akin to turf warfare than a simple children's game.

There are friends to be visited, places to explore, and lazy spring days perfect for doing absolutely nothing. He sees Jareth maybe twice a day. Once at breakfast, and once at dinner, though he eats just as often with Naruto and his adopted father as he does at home.

They have complete freedom, since even they've learned it's a bad idea to steal all the chickens from the goblins—that particular prank had demolished half the city and forced them to actually hide in the Bog of Eternal Stench for days to avoid Jareth's wrath. Thankfully, the denizens of the Labyrinth have a shorter memory than Jareth, and the goblins had quickly calmed after the missing chickens had been located.

But then the dizzy spells start. Very soon, Sasuke is seeing things that aren't there, things that neither he nor Jareth have a hand in.

When Sasuke can't get out of bed, it is as if the Labyrinth has fallen under a shroud. Naruto can now be found in only one place—hovering anxiously by his best friend's bed. Jareth doesn't have the heart to shoo him out, but the quiet in the Goblin City is nearly unbearable. All the other Orphans feel it too. Abandoned children who were given a second chance, they are a close-knit group and all worried about their ailing friend.

Jareth can't do anything. He's never had a hand for healing magic, and the local healers in his kingdom wave their hands, say their spells, administer their hand-made medicine, and shake their heads in shame and frustration when Sasuke continues to writhe in his sleep.

"It's like he's trapped in a nightmare," they say. But the truth is that he's dying.

Desperate, Jareth calls out the best, and she comes, already twelve when Sasuke isn't expected to live to see his own twelfth birthday.

She goes through the same steps as the others, but after she's finished she raises her hands over Sasukes's unconscious body and they glow green. Jareth feels his breath catch in his chest. This, he has never seen before, and he starts to hope, where before he'd only given himself to despair.

After only a few minutes, Sakura draws back and looks at him, her expression frank.

"I can't dispel this. It's like his body is rejecting something, but it's not an allergic reaction; it's not poison. I've reduced the fever and the pressure on his brain. I've given him a chance. Now he has to fight."

She turns away, brushing Sasuke's bangs away from his sweaty brow. There is real emotion in her eyes, and Jareth is reminded again of what's at stake.

* * *

There is a little over a month until Sasuke's birthday, and he still remains asleep, beset by fever-induced nightmares. Jareth makes a visit to the Aboveground.

He finds the young man sitting beneath a tree, a look of intense agony locked upon his face. The boy he first met has become a young man, but through trials-by-blood, and the strain is worn into the early wrinkles beneath his eyes and the tense set of his mouth.

"Today, I'm seventeen," he says to Jareth without opening his eyes. Jareth wonders if he even could, noticing the fat droplets of blood that leak from beneath his closed eyelids.

"He doesn't need the eyes."

It's not a question that requires an answer, but Jareth gives one anyway.

"No."

"I'm glad."

And the boy smiles, making his face bright again and full of youth. The expression doesn't fade, even as the puddle of blood he's sitting in grows, soaking into the ground and his clothes.

Jareth feels something stir in his chest, and reaches forward to remove the tarnished, scratched band of metal tied to the boy's forehead. It melts in his fist until it is nothing but glitter. With his other, he touches the necklace around the boy's neck. The chain unhooks and snakes downwards; Jareth catches it nimbly.

Then he blows the glitter in his hand at the still form and the body, the blood, all traces disappear in the glow until the only thing that remains in a tree in full, riotous bloom. Jareth smirks without humor at his handiwork.

He can still touch the world Above if he so chooses, if he finds a cause he considers worthy.

* * *

Jareth sits in Sasuke's bedroom with a book open on his lap, his thoughts a million miles away. The setting is familiar, but the feeling is different. If Sasuke doesn't wake up now, Jareth thinks, he never will.

There is a rustle from the bed, and Jareth's book falls.

Sasuke opens his eyes and looks straight at Jareth.

"Why didn't he wish himself away, too?"

In a matter of steps, Jareth has swept across the room and enfolded Sasuke in his arms. The boy needs a bath, and is probably hungry as all hell. His greasy hair sticks slightly to Jareth's cheek, but he doesn't care.

Pulling away, a crystal dutifully appears in Jareth's hand. He pushes it towards an unresisting Sasuke, and when the crystal reaches him it pops like a bubble, a simple necklace falling onto the bedcovers.

"I wish I knew."

Sasuke curls a hand in the chain.

* * *

For weeks afterwards, Sasuke is quiet, bordering on uncommunicative. Even Naruto has trouble getting him to crack a smile.

He does not ask Jareth any more questions he doesn't have the answers to, and begins to wear the necklace every day—eventually stops even taking it off. Jareth gives him time. Most of the Orphans never find out about their past lives, and for good reason. But it's Sasuke's knowledge now, and he has to come to terms with it on his own.

One good thing does come, however, when Jareth notices Sasuke making an effort not to ignore the sweet, pink-haired girl who saved his life.

It starts innocuously enough, with Sasuke offering his thanks and a crystal—Jareth has always been amused that Sasuke's crystals tended to be more oblong and rose-colored than his—that transforms into a little pink tulip. Jareth hadn't thought his protégé that much of a quick study, and finds himself impressed.

After that, Sasuke exchanges words whenever they meet. As Jareth expected, the boy quickly realizes that in three years Sakura's matured greatly. She has a self-confidence born from competence and responsibilities, and Jareth can clearly see the shy happiness on both of their faces.

While Sasuke introduces her to his friends, Jareth plots. Anybody who ever accused him of being nosy wouldn't be wrong, but can he help it being able to eavesdrop and spy whenever he wants has given him certain… inclinations? Matchmaker is not usually one of them, but he knows a good thing when he sees it.

* * *

For her thirteenth birthday, Sakura receives a small bouquet of pink and yellow tulips.

For her fourteenth, there are red chrysanthemums and a little bird, made of black, obsidian glass.

On her fifteenth, she gets a mass of pink lilies, and a set of matching hairclips, made in silver and lacquered black with details picked out in pink and white stones.

Three days before her sixteenth birthday, Sakura paces in front of Naruto, a stormy frown on her faces as she rants.

"Flowers? _Flowers?_ I am so fucking sick of flowers!"

Naruto winces and looks around. Sakura only uses language like that around her friends. At court and in front of her parents she's allowed to have a temper—they found out early trying to prevent her from having one was far, far more dangerous—but she is a _lady_ and language like that isn't acceptable anywhere but in private.

"What is that beefhead of a best friend of yours even thinking?"

To be honest, Naruto has never understood what his "beefhead" of a best friend is thinking. Obviously, he's got the right idea with Sakura. She pretty and smart and she smells nice, Naruto thinks wistfully. He'd get her flowers too, if he thought he had any chance with her, and if he still thought of her as more than a best friend.

"Hey," he prods, "what's wrong with the flowers, Sakura? Don't girls like flowers? Buttface Sasuke doesn't get any other girls flowers. You know what he's like."

Instantly, Sakura's face falls and she looks contrite. "I _know_," she sighs, "but I want more than flowers!"

"He gets you jewelry too," Naruto points out in confusion. "Do you want books instead?"

Sakura just frowns in confusion. "You sound like Ino, and she's my best friend too."

This makes no sense to Naruto. He waits for Sakura to elaborate.

"Ino said that obviously he thinks I'm special, or he wouldn't get me such nice gifts." Naruto nods, still not following along. "But gifts are so… impersonal."

Catching sight of Naruto's face, she realizes her other best friend also has no idea what she's trying to put into words.

"Naruto," she whispers, blushing, "I want to hold his hand."

"Sakura," Naruto says, equally serious, "don't you guys already do that? I mean," he scratches his head in embarrassment, "not that I notice or anything it's not any of my business."

Helplessly, Sakura flounders. She can't be the only one with these desires, right? She expected Ino to understand, but then she can't even say what she means.

Surely it's not wrong to want more than flowers from Sasuke? Not when he holds her hand sometimes when they're alone, and smiles at her in that way that makes her stomach flip and their faces are so close Sakura just wishes he'd—

Her face heats up even thinking about it.

* * *

The evening of Sakura's sixteenth birthday, there is a grand party, as befitting the Seelie princess.

Sasuke presents her with a large bouquet of Bird-of-Paradise flowers, which she promptly throws back in his face.

"No!" She shouts and the entire ballroom is silent, all eyes watching the drama unfold.

Her mother, without missing a beat, reaches for the nearest server and tosses her drink back in one swallow. Only her husband's calm grip on her arm prevents her from double fisting.

"I don't want any more flowers!"

There is a brief, deadly silence. In the quiet, Sasuke makes a misstep and offers her the small wrapped parcel in his other hand.

With a jerk of her arm, Sakura slaps the box from his fingers. It goes clattering across the floor, but nobody pays it any attention. This is because in a few, sharp steps Sakura has marched forward, seized Sasuke's collar, and pulled him down into a kiss. The surprised boy's eyes are as big as dinner plates. The rest of the partygoers are equally entranced.

Tsunade nudges her husband with an elbow, and he gives up the fight, letting her sneak another glass from the server too dumbstruck to realize his monarch is chugging alcohol right next to him.

Finally, Sakura pulls away from her childhood sweetheart.

"Understand?" she growls.

Very slowly, Sasuke nods, reaching a hand up to his lips in shock. He blushes, and almost instantly becomes aware that he's just been kissed by a princess at her sweet-sixteen birthday party in full view of her parents, _his _parent, the parents of all their closest friends, and just about anyone else of any importance in the whole of the Underground.

Preempting him, Sakura turns to the assembled guests.

"Honored friends," she says, in a voice as-pretty-as-you-please. "Would you kindly excuse us?"

She dips a lovely curtsy, grabs Sasuke's arm in a vice grip, and all but drags him from the room.

In their wake, noise in the ballroom raises to fever pitch.

Jareth, the monarchs of the two courts, and various other denizens of the Underground gather around the punch bowl.

"And here I thought Jareth would win" the Unseelie King comments, rubbing at his chin thoughtfully.

"That girl will be the death of me," Tsunade says, sniffing at the punch bowl to see if it's significantly alcoholic for her tastes.

Jiraiya shudders theatrically. "I'm glad Dan got to you first. I'd hate to see what kind of hellion we would have raised together." He winks lasciviously at Tsunade, who only rolls her eyes towards her husband in a fond manner.

"Honestly," Jareth frowns, "I thought I'd win too. However did you do it?"

Naruto's adopted father gives a secret smile. "Jareth," Iruka says, "let's just say that you're not the only one with ways of gathering information."

The others concede with only mild grumbling, and Iruka collects his winnings.

* * *

Sasuke is only present for the first hour of his birthday party. After that, he and Sakura mysteriously vanish.

Jareth doesn't bother looking for them, with magical means or otherwise. He knows Sasuke can't be found when he doesn't want to be.

"That girl," Ino tuts with a shake of her head. "Really!"

"Maaaaaan," Naruto whines. "He didn't even stay for his cake or his _presents! _What's so good it's better than cake?"

Ino only looks at him, her eyebrows arched way into her hairline. She sidles over to a dark-haired girl with pale, almost clear eyes.

"Well?" She teases her. "What _is_ better than cake?"

The veins in the girl's face bulge for a few seconds, and then recede back under her skin, leaving her face a bright red. "U-u-um. H-how would _I _know?"

Naruto frowns at her. "Huh? Wha'd you see?"

"What, indeed." Ino laughs conspiratorially, throwing an arm around the other girl's shoulders, who can only smile wistfully at Naruto, refusing to meet his eyes.

* * *

Somewhere else, Sasuke sits with his arm around Sakura, their fingers entwined as they watch the Labyrinth's fireflies flicker with the stars in the sky.

This would be embarrassing, he thinks, if someone else were to see.

He lets go of her to gently grasp her chin in one hand and tilt it upwards so he can kiss her. They part slowly, neither wanting to separate.

"Better than flowers?"

"What do you think?"

Before he can answer, she's dragged him down for another kiss, this one not as chaste as the previous. When they part, both are a little short of breath.

"You're a bully," he says without any real heat.

"Oh, you like it." Sakura bumps his shoulder teasingly.

A little while later, Sasuke finally admits: "Maybe."

The Labyrinth fireflies are making little hearts in the sky. Sasuke pulls her into his lap, ignoring her squawk of surprise, so he can wrap his arms around her and rest his chin on the top of her head.

* * *

"A little young for you, isn't she?"

The image slowly fades from Jareth's crystal. Vanishing the thing entirely would be an admission of guilt, but it doesn't seem to matter when he meets the smirk of his protégé from across his throne room.

Sasuke used to be banished to his room when the Labyrinth ran Challenges, but it's been a long time since Jareth actually had the authority to enforce that particular rule. As usual, Sasuke has gone where he wants with Jareth being none the wiser.

Jareth wonders how much of this Challenge Sasuke has seen. The smirk tells him it's probably more than he's comfortable with.

"You can always try again. Time moves a lot differently Above. Before you know it she won't be a girl anymore."

Part of Jareth balks at being given relationship advice by his adopted son, who even a few years ago would blush and get angry at any of the teasing hints Jareth liked to drop about him and his little girlfriend.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Sasuke shrugs and offers the shy, slim smile Jareth so rarely sees nowadays. When his charge evolved into such a frustrating, quietly confident young man, Jareth has no idea.

"You like her. It's not a bad thing."

Now would be the perfect time to cleverly change the subject. Jareth doesn't bother. Sasuke would see through it in a minute.

Instead, a crystal obligingly reforms at his fingertips. In its depths, a girl, almost a woman, is hugging an embarrassed Hoggle and talking excitedly with Sir Didymus. Her smile is blinding, even distorted by the crystal's depths.

"Hm," Jareth says.

* * *

Sasuke's eyes never turn red. Jareth stops watching.


End file.
